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Sci-Fi Theorizer: The Very Emotional Vulcans on Enterprise
Contest Hosted by Joe Crowe

What's the Deal With... The Very Emotional Vulcans on Enterprise?

Never mind the emotion--why is it the main female Vulcan (you can tell I've never watched the show--only seen commercials for it) has HUMAN eyebrows? And could that be the reason I didn't bother tuning in? (changer4508@hotmail.com)

The Theorizer wonders if you make ALL of your programming decisions based on the shape of characters' eyebrows.

And if so, the Theorizer hypothesizes that you must have hated Brooke Shields on Suddenly Susan.


"If you spill coffee on my lap ONE MORE TIME..." (ihtgwsm@hotmail.com)

Never got over the Kirstie Alley Saavik...we want Kirstie baaccck! (c_calthrop@hotmail.com)

Well dammit, if you lived in an era where Battlefield Earth was considered a cinema classic, you'd be emotional too. (bblatt11@aol.com)

Hell, if your planet was populated by chicks like T'Pol, and you couldn't show any interest, you too would be frustrated and "emotional" (wink, wink).
(kingfisher61@cs.com)

They ran out of Prozac and don't know how to handle finger cramps. (rinevilincarnate@yahoo.com)

In the future series, like the Original show and Next Gen, Vulcans have a great deal of mastery over their emotions. Unfortunately, at the point in history that Enterprise takes place, the Vulcans have apparently just invented spandex and lost the technology to make bras. Eventually, T'Pau (the Vulcan woman, not the band) rediscovers support tops and her race gets their hormones back under control. (baeldrinahr@hotmail.com)

That theory showed a little bit of heart and soul.

Theory 1) Curiosity is the only politically correct & socially acceptable Vulcan emotion. Therefore only the curious emotional fringe of Vulcan society finds its way to Starfleet (besides, Starfleet decon chambers are the only place a Vulcan can go for a good rubdown).

Theory 2) Being touch-telepaths, Vulcans are quite unsettled by the Earth habit of hand-shaking. After years of such contact, a certain amount of emotion leaks through.

Theory 3) After years of living among short-lived, unpredictable primitives, might not you get a little wound up, too?

Theory 4) Having no proper psychiatric hospitals, Vulcan uses Starfleet for a dumping ground. (n9oca@aol.com)

They're doing everything they can to make us forget T'Pol's erect nipples in the series premiere; some tools they've come up with for the Vulcans are emotions, politics and morbid obesity. I mean, really: would you want to keep something like Vulcan eros on your mind? (uglybear1@yahoo.com)

The Theorizer computes the following theory as being the most logical.

Again, taboos. Seriously. Let's to a North America/Vulcan comparison. In North America, expressions of sexuality are considered taboo, embarrassing subjects.
That's why people who are openly gay, bisexual or into BSDM are looked at as freaks or thrill seekers, by the rest of "polite" society. In fact, some people are just wired a certain way.

Similary, on Vulcan, a planet whose society makes Victorian England seem like an orgiastic cesspool of Dionisyan abandon, what is taboo? An emotional
expression that goes beyond fascination, perplexedness, or the Vulcan equivalent of Jim Carrey slapstick, simple intellectual irony.

But all Vulcans, if Spock's World (The only novel to ever be accepted as part of established Trek Lore, which the Bermanator disregards anyway) is to be
believed, are in fact simply repressing their natural emotions.

So what happens? Some people are wired differently, and cannot repress. They choose to express. So, naturally, the bigots, control freaks and Vulcan-equivalents to Pat Robertson, Strom Thurmond and the 700 Club turn around and say these people are perverts, making a lifestyle choice, or otherwise giving in to base temptations that more cultivated people choose to ignore.

Don't forget: The Vulcans exiled en masse as many of their "perverted" emotion-freaks as they could get their hands on, to a dirty little world called Romulus.

And not to cross-pollinate sci-fi references, but let's face it: Vulcans, collectively have very big Gaffi sticks up their butts, and could use a few more emotional perverts.

I wonder if the one in ten rule for Human sexual deviants applies to Vulcan emotional deviants? (themacrocosm@sympatico.ca)



 
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