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What Would C-3PO Do?
Contest Hosted by Joe Crowe, July 18, 2002

Today's Dilemma: How can I tell my boss I want a raise?


In any one of 8-million forms of communication. I prefer "Prissy"! (drobviousso@excite.com)

"Well, with my bright shiny new battle droid body, I ca - Artoo! put that back, damn you! Ah, ask politely." (the4phaseman@icqmail.com)

C-3PO would request options instead of a raise...and change his name to 'see IPO'. (matthewlawyer@hotmail.com)

Learn to speak HIS language: Hutt. (fnchnst@cox.net)

"Explain to your Master, politely and in the appropriate form of communication, that it certainly isn't getting cheaper to keep up with the languages and protocols of the ever-expanding known galaxy. Your Master will certainly understand your perspective." (lyndisty@aol.com)

"Oh dear! Oh my! It will all come to ruin I tell you! Ah, my circuits!" (mattara@rocketmail.com)

"Oh no don't ask your master for a raise. You'll surely be sent to the spice mines of Kessel, or be melted down for scrap parts. Oh my, ask your master for a raise..." (theshape79@cox.net)

"Raise? Why would I want Master Luke to lift...oh. In currency? You mean, I should be getting paid?
*beep oop oop wawr*
What do you mean you get twice scale R2? Scale? What's scale? Oh why doesn't anyone tell me things. And I thought those cans of metal polish were so generous of Master Luke..." (pryderi@bust.com)

Heed now this, the wisest advice from C-3PO.

"Well, first of all, make sure there are no Wookies in the room. Every time *I* ever brought up the subject, that towering buffoon lifted me over his head. Oh hah-hah, very droll. Wookies. [sniff]

In any case, where were we? Ah, yes, a raise. Well, be sure to mention precisely how many languages in which you are capable of performing your protocol functions. And you might try slipping in the fact that you are currently being paid, well, NOTHING, just being used as a SLAVE by other sapient but MENTALLY INFERIOR beings! [wheeze, wheeze...] Ah. Sorry. Ehm. Anyway, if that doesn't work (and it NEVER does...), you can always get your short friend to play the hologram of that time your boss got drunk with the Wookie's sister. That ought to get his attention. (superdave@jcom.home.ne.jp)

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