How many Bilbo jokes are you expecting to get with this topic? (see317@attbi.com)

Hopefully, ALL OF THEM.

11. When she says she's going out to the movies by herself to see "One Hour Frodo." (neochimp@earthlink.net)

Well, there's a pun I wasn't expecting.

10. She asks you to start using Rogaine on your "proudfoots." (spazfox@mad.scientist.com)

9. All those bouquets and cards signed, "My Preciousss, my Precioussss..." (sylverfoxy@hotmail.com)

8. I think I saw them in a pool somewhere. (wolvie110@hotmail.com)

7. Recall the classic finding-a-blonde-hair-on-hubby's-label scenario? Well, imagine the way Hobbits shed. (imissyoucupcake@aol.com)

6. Her delicate lingerie seems to be made out of Mithril. (see317@attbi.com)

5. Lembas crumbs on the sheets. (mrbroe@yahoo.com)

4. You keep finding hop sack lint in her navel. (decimal.dust@pi.co.uk)

3. They go out for a walk in the woods and come back slightly taller and with leaves in their hair. Then all your saws, axes, and hedge clippers dissapear, and some big old tree that definitely wasn't there before appears right outside your bedroom window...and though your spouse says you're crazy, you SWEAR you hear it say "Hoom" every time you pull down the shade... (zepchick10@aol.com)

2. In her sleep she softly speaks "bend low gentlemen, it reads pretty cramped over there." (phikardstud@trumpdek.tv)

1. He/she responds to a simple "Was it good for you, baby?" by spouting a spontaneous six-stanza poem, invoking the name of Elbereth Gilthoniel, and then lighting up a pipe. (ahsturgis@mindspring.com)