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They DVDetails
Reviewed by Jason Myers, © 2003

Format: Movie
By:   Robert Harmon (Director) and Brendan William Hood (Writer)
Genre:   Horror
Released:   June 10, 2003 (DVD Release)
Review Date:   June 12, 2003
Audience Rating:   PG-13
RevSF Rating:   2/10 (What Is This?)

If you haven't seen They, and you're thinking about seeing it, then go here to read my review. If you still decide to see it, then send me an e-mail after you watch it, so I can send a reply that says "I told you so."

The blurb on the front of the DVD box says "Don't See it Alone", but I recommend that, if you do watch it, you watch it alone, with the lights out, in the darkest hours of the night, in a creaky old house in the absolute dead middle of nowhere. In such an environment, They might have a decent chance of scaring you. But if you watch it during the daytime, or with friends, you'll probably spend more time checking your watch than checking the shadows for lurking things.

That said, I'd like to dedicate this edition of DVDetails to those of you who've seen They, and are curious about the "Alternate Ending." All four of you. Sorry, three. All three of--. What's that? You don't care either? Okay, then. All two of you. Yes, I dedicate this brief column to you two hypothetical people who have seen They and are curious about the "Alternate Ending." I dedicate it to you, because I care about you in much the same way as that chick from Romper Room cares about all the kids she sees through her magic mirror (and because, aside from the "Alternate Ending", the DVD contains absolutely no special features to speak of).

In short, the "Alternate Ending" (SPOILERS. DUH) is of the "Oh, it turns out I'm a mental patient, and it was all a dream, and you and you and you and you were there" variety. So I must give respect to the people who decided to scrap that ending (since the "trapped in the closet" ending is one of the very few scary moments in They) while continuing to disrespect them for choosing an ending in which creatures who have spent the whole movie shying away from even the weakest sources of light suddenly snatch the main character even though daylight is coming through her window.

The Movie Itself: 2 out of 10

The DVD Features: 2 out of 10

One day, Jason Myers will wake up to find out that he's not really the Film/DVD Editor for RevolutionSF. Then he will look around and see Shane Ivey cantering around in a Napoleon hat, Kenn McCracken snoring like a tank in a straight jacket, Kevin Pezzano drooling on his puke-stained hospital gown, and Joe Crowe, well, acting pretty much the same as he did in Jason's elaborate schizophrenic fantasy about being part of an online magazine. Then he will think "Thank God that awful nightmare is over." Then the mimes will eat him.

 
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