If you haven't seen They, and you're thinking about seeing it, then
go here to read my review.
If you still decide to see it, then send me an e-mail after you watch it, so
I can send a reply that says "I told you so."
The blurb on the front of the DVD box says "Don't See it Alone", but I recommend
that, if you do watch it, you watch it alone, with the lights out, in the darkest
hours of the night, in a creaky old house in the absolute dead middle of nowhere.
In such an environment, They might have a decent chance of scaring you.
But if you watch it during the daytime, or with friends, you'll probably spend
more time checking your watch than checking the shadows for lurking things.
That said, I'd like to dedicate this edition of DVDetails to those of you who've
seen They, and are curious about the "Alternate Ending." All four of you.
Sorry, three. All three of--. What's that? You don't care either? Okay, then.
All two of you. Yes, I dedicate this brief column to you two hypothetical people
who have seen They and are curious about the "Alternate Ending." I dedicate
it to you, because I care about you in much the same way as that chick from Romper
Room cares about all the kids she sees through her magic mirror (and because,
aside from the "Alternate Ending", the DVD contains absolutely no special features
to speak of).
In short, the "Alternate Ending" (SPOILERS. DUH) is of the "Oh, it turns out
I'm a mental patient, and it was all a dream, and you and you and you and you
were there" variety. So I must give respect to the people who decided to scrap
that ending (since the "trapped in the closet" ending is one of the very few
scary moments in They) while continuing to disrespect them for choosing
an ending in which creatures who have spent the whole movie shying away from
even the weakest sources of light suddenly snatch the main character even though
daylight is coming through her window.
The Movie Itself: 2 out of 10
The DVD Features: 2 out of 10