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RevolutionSF Movie Previews: Spring-Summer 2004
© RevolutionSF Staff
March 24, 2004

Here at RevolutionSF, we think that 2004 makes 2003 look like 2002!

That's why we put on our creative pants and slapped together this handy calendar. By thusly edifying yourselves, you can make informed decisions about your viewing and your purchasing. Or just blow your money and your free time like you and we both know you're going to do anyways.

Here are your panelists:

  • Jayme Blaschke, fiction editor.
  • Joe Crowe, news editor, humor editor.
  • Mark Finn, games editor, "Finn's Wake" columnist.
  • Peggy Hailey, books editor.
  • Robert Mansperger, art director.
  • Kevin Pezzano, anime editor, comics editor.
  • Rick Klaw, contributing editor.

April 2: Hellboy

Joe: The first comic book movie of the year. This year there are 6, which is roughly 6 more per year than there used to be. I ain't complaining.

Rick: Incredible trailer. I just hope this movie is better than [director] del Toro's "Blade 2."

Mark: I'm glad that this will beat Van Helsing out of the gate. Whoo! Two monster-hunter movies in one year! That means at least one of them will be good! It's like a law or something...

Jayme: I'm so there. This one's looking way better than I expected.

Read the RevolutionSF review!

April 16: Punisher

Rick: *Yawn.*

Mark: Okay, so they got the skull on the costume this time. Tell me how this will be different from all of the other vigilante movies ever made? Oh, yeah, they are loosely basing it on Garth Ennis' original run in the comics. Spacker Dave!

Jayme: Thomas Jane makes the world wonder whatever happened to that Shakespearean marvel, Dolph Lundgren.

Kevin: I'm sorry, but nothing can ever surpass Dolph Lundgren and Lou Gossett Jr.

May 7: Van Helsing

Rick: This could be some good, old fashion monster bashing fun. Besides, Hugh Jackman needs a good non-X-men film.

Mark: This should have been the Solomon Kane movie. Oh well, there's still hope. You know, I don't care how cheesy this may look, this is a weak spot in my armor and I'm glad to see it shamelessly exploited.

Robert: Looks absolutely silly to me and will most likely be a rental.

Jayme: This year's "Reign of Fire?" I hope not, but I suspect it's promising a lot more than it can deliver.

Peggy: From the previews, this looks like it might actually be as fun as the "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" movie should have been.

May 14: Troy

Joe: A movie with Brad Pitt that I might actually go see. He's got an unemployed wife to feed.

Mark: I have a thing for sword-and-sandal films. I'll have to see it. People don't hack each other up enough in Hollywood. If they had an ounce of cajones, they'd market the film with Trojan condoms. Now, THAT'S a giveaway!

May 21: Shrek 2

Rick: This one makes me nervous. The trailer is cute, but there is no way it could be as good as the original. 'Course I thought the same about "Toy Story 2" and I was wrong.

Robert: Looks fun, will definitely see this and probably all the animated stuff.

Peggy: Oh, I'll be there. I'll be nervous, but I'll be there.

Jayme: They dumped the creators of the original. Not a good sign.

Mark: Shrek 2? Still Shrekkin'? Electric Boogaloo? Jeez Louise....

June 4: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Mark: Well, I liked the first two films, and I am a fan of the books, so I really can't complain. I just hope Rowling can catch up to the movie-making machine (yeah, right!)

Jayme: They had me at "Something Wicked This Way Comes."

Peggy: The kids are older, the story is darker, and we get to meet Sirius & Lupin. Sounds good to me. They'd better shoot these quicker, though, or they're going to have to recast, and that would be a shame.

June 11: The Chronicles of Riddick

Rick: I am looking forward to this. Every Twohy movie has been better than the previous and the preview is absolutely amazing!

Mark: I came late to "Pitch Black," but I loved the film. Very Conan-esque, that Riddick. I'm down with this.

Jayme: I really, really liked "Pitch Black." I really, really dislike Vin Diesel. So it's a tossup.

Peggy: "Pitch Black" was cool enough that I'll give this one a shot. Besides, I'm a sucker for Dame Judi Dench.

Kevin: While I liked "Pitch Black", I couldn't care less about Vin Diesel (I think he should have stopped after "Iron Giant"). But I'm going to go see this movie on opening night. Why? Dame Judi Dench, baby. She's Denchilicious!

June 18: Garfield

Kevin: June 19: The Apocalypse.

Joe: Well, that's just great. Movies like this always come out on my birthday. (The last one was Disney's "Rosie O'Donnell, the Purple Monkey" -- I mean, "Tarzan.")

Mark: Great. They can follow this up with the Family Circus movie. And then we can all go in and re-dub it, What Up Tiger Lily-Style, and make it the Dysfunctional Family Circus. God, I love the Internet.

Jayme: Does anyone else remember way back when Garfield used to be good? I was in junior high. That was like two decades ago. Enough said.

Peggy: I'd rather eat bark.

July 2: Spider-Man 2

Joe: WHOO.

Robert: More action and less inner dialogue would be nice. Trailer looks awesome though. And no silly facial armor for the baddie.

Rick: Is there a more eagerly awaited geek film in 2004?

Mark: Finally! This film can't open soon enough. I think, perhaps a tad fanboyishly, that this will be better than "X2." I'm willing to admit this up front, but that∫s partially just to get me through the other things listed above (well, except for Hellboy).

Peggy: Am I a great big geek who's going to run out and see this first show, first day? You betcha.

Jayme: So they introduce Gwen Stacy in THIS one? Go figure. Still, the first one was very good. I expect no less from no. 2 (although it shoulda been called "The AMAZING Spider-Man!")

July 7: Jerry Bruckheimer's King Arthur

Rick: I decided a long time ago that Jerry Bruckheimer wasn't getting any more of my money. I see no reason to change this now.

Jayme: When the hell will Hollywood catch a clue and film Mary Stewart's Arthurian books? "The Wicked Day" rules nine ways to Sunday.

Mark: I can't WAIT for the sword to explode, from four different angles, taking Bruce Willis' space helmet off with it.

Kevin: I can't wait to see how he'll make stuff in 510 A.D. England go up in huge explosions while crappy-ass rock music plays.

Robert: After the travesty of "First Knight" I wouldn't have thought anyone else could butcher the story of King Arthur... but I now stand corrected... can't even muster the strength for witty banter.

Peggy: Could there be a more jarring combination? Jane Campion's "Conan?" David Twohy's "My Little Pony?"

July 16: I, Robot starring the Fresh Prince

Rick: I am utterly non-plussed about this. I have always thought that Isaac Asimov was one of the most overrated science fiction writers, so I have little desire to see this.

Mark: Hopefully they will be able to do for Isaac Asimov what Jackson did for Tolkien... that is, make him palatable. I ain't holdin' my breath over here.

Jayme: Considering they bought the rights to Asimov's book simply to use the name, I have NO hopes for this one.

Kevin: DJ Jazzy Jeff better have a cameo, that's all I have to say.

Read the RevolutionSF "I, Robot" screed!

July 30: M. Night Shyamalan's The Village

Joe: I'm glad Shyamalan is still chugging along with new stuff, and has resisted the money-grubbing urge to go back and do "Sixth Sense 2: I Still See The Bastards."

Rick: I've seen every other Shyamalan film in the theaters. I imagine I'll see this one, too.

Jayme: A very talented filmmaker who desperately needs to find a new plot structure. I'm getting violently ill at the thought of another explanatory flashback sequence at the end....

July 30: Catwoman starring Halle Berry

Rick: Hate the suit, but damn she's a sexy woman.

Peggy: I am somewhat disturbed by a recent interview where divergences from the Catwoman storyline are explained by saying in essence that the character is "a" catwoman not "the" catwoman, but I'll probably see it anyway.

Jayme: Has about as much in common with the DC Comics character as Mike Myers does with Dr. Seuss.

Joe: And DC Comics makes its return to the big screen! The last time was "Steel" starring Shaquille O'Neal, so the bar's not set really high. (Sorry, Judd Nelson fans).

Click here for the RevolutionSF Movie Preview: Fall-Winter 2004!

Think the RevolutionSF staff is full of crap? Tell us what you think about 2004's upcoming things at subspace@revolutionsf.com. If you agree with us, tell us that, too, because frankly, we're very insecure.

 
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