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Subspace: Beautifully Illustrated, Full-Curved
Hosted by Joe Crowe, April 27, 2004

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Hee-larious. Maybe not intentionally so. But that's not my problem.

Anonymous letters are brought to you this week by 1970s Hanna-Barbera cartoon animals.

Subject: Wizard of Earthsea

I started crying when I read that they were putting Wizard of Earthsea on TV. I read that book when I was 8, and it changed me. Please, please, make them do it justice. If this is anything like "Riverworld" was, someone's going to die. Maybe me. (Blip the space monkey)

I think this movie will be fine. Trust Danny Glover. The guy took down a Predator with only Maria Conchita Alonso and Gary "Substance A" Busey!

Subject: Top 75

Utena Tenjou - Revolutionary Girl Utena. She's beautiful, funny, courageous, strong and determined. How could anyone, male or female, not love her? Plus she turns into the Batmobile in the movie. Beat that, everyone else on the list! (wolvie110@hotmail.com)

Then is she sued by big-eyed small-mouthed lawyers? In other words, 12-year-old girls carrying subpoenas?

Subject: Swell.

Gee, thank you so much for the creepy androgynous person picture with the boney hand on the front page. Now I'll surely get over my quasi-irrational fear of Thai lady-boy manicurists. (overthrow1992@aol.com)

This is the price you pay for quality RevolutionSF Fiction. "Ladyboy manicurist" shall be my new e-mail address.

Subject: Regular updates?

You guys are back to regular updates???? Amazing. Perhaps I should regularly post to subspace. Or even better, I can make irregular posts. Ahhh, I love a good pun, I do.

So what about these Ep III subtitles:

Episode III: Anakin rolls in the grass some more
Episode III: We destroy everything that makes Vader cool
Episode III: You seem to like waiting in line, so this movie is 2 hours of people waiting in line
Episode III: We reveal Darth Sidious' secret (He's really Palpatine. Hazzah! You so didn't see that one coming) (drobviousso@excite.com)

Technically those aren't puns, and your love of them is tragically in error. But I offer you forgiveness, for your anger has blinded you. The movie's a year away, and many of us are ALREADY mad. I tell you, someone's going to put an eye out before "Star Wars" is over.

Subject: Hellboy: What I Did Thunk

For a midnight screening in cold cold Montreal, that wasn't half bad. But what ever happened to Jeffrey Tambor? Did he get left behind in the Evil Nazi Pit of Goodguy Despair for being a shleping turdbox?

And for all curious parties: No, the necromancized Russian chap that got a free horsey ride from Hellboy was not, in fact, speaking Russian. In fact, what the hell (excuse the pun) was he speaking? Cthulhu-bonics? (ilyapopov@hotmail.com)

Changed my mind. "Shleping turdbox" will be my new e-mail address.

Subject: Horribly, amazingly magical

Joe Crowe, Kirsten Dunst IS just that: Magical with a big, beautifully illustrated, full-curved M. What did Spidey see hanging from that web in the rain? Mmmmmmmm. M. Oh, I'm sick, all right.

I truly wish the Casshern folks were asking me to pimp the movie (I must be doing a good job of it if you've noticed), but alas, poor Yorrick, they are not. I figure the Shakespeare reference is apt, seeing how the director-cowriter-cinematographer (all that and I can't think of his name!) says Casshern addresses the question put forth by the bard in Hamlet: Why do people fight? I've likely mentioned this earlier here somewhere, so edit away, unless you need the lines to fill space, of course. Shall I use more illustrative adverbs? Can I say yet another thank you to SuperDave in Japan for all his help keeping me informed? Thanks, Dave!

By the way, Hellboy ROCKED! I saw it twice on opening day! Ron Perlman ROCKED! The RevolutionSF review was RIGHT ON! Spider-Man 2 better be as good as the Matrix was back in '99 to beat Hellboy, or I'm going to have some serious Episode One flashbacks.

Speaking of Lucas-related things, have you guys read the rumor that Lucas has put the temporary kibosh on Indy IV so he can retool the script. That being the script that Spielberg and Ford said they liked? I think the Star Wars generation will soon have to face the music: Lucas is losing his mind. For real. Save my summer, Sam Raimi! (charger4508@hotmail.com)

I faced that music awhile back. The Wachowskis aren't at the top of my Sanity List either (yes, I do keep one) after the slapassery that was Matrix 2 and 3.

Subject: Fresh Aeryn

"In between "Farscape's" cancellation and the debut of the new 4 hours, "Stargate SG-1" will have had somewhere between 15 and 30 new hours. I just wanted to put the quality vs. quantity thing into perspective."

lol, you should send THAT one directly to the suits over at the Sci-Fi Channel. Classic. Definitely worth quoting. Plus, the added bonus of a dozen middle-aged-to-elderly white guys scratching their heads STILL NOT GETTING IT.

Yeesh. They should just give in and rename it, Crappy-CGI-Animal-and-Virus-TV-Movies-Attack-Channel. (leissuit@msn.com)

That's part of the deal when NBC buys them out. They're also renaming NBC the Please Watch Even Though Friends Is Cancelled Channel.

Subject: Hellboy

Hizzlebizzle is da shizzle, nizzle! (Square Bear)

I hope you were busting a cap in some ho when you wrote that.

Subject: Hellboy

No movie with tentacles, H.P. Lovecraft references, Nazi ninjas, Rasputin and Selma Blair in it can be anything but good. This movie just so happened to also have a neurotic fishman and a wise-cracking demon in it. It's win/win. Although the cinematography could have been better, the writing and story were perfect, as was the acting. The special effects were nothing to scoff at, and the action was fun and well paced. All in all, it's the best comnic book movie I've yet seen. (arc_highbeam@yahoo.com)

I really dug it myself. There's one scene, where HB is in the sewer, and he's attacked by a pack of Hellhounds. It looked like a live-action version of a 1970s Marvel Comic with the Thing. Also I loved the great Jeffrey Tambor, and that sweet scene at the beginning when he says to the TV camera, "There is no Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense." And the scene cuts instantly to a building, with the caption "Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense."

In other words: Good stuff.

Subject: Tru Calling review

Short note on Tru Calling per: "without any ongoing story arc that I've seen." The main arc concerns why she can hear the dead at all. Throughout the season there have been more and more hints dropped.

The latest of which [spoiler for anyone who cares] is that her mom could do it too. They are just getting around to explaining why her co-worker knew all about her abilities from nearly the beginning of the season.

It's a small cast of mostly flat characters, so there isn't much that can be done with large arcs as it is now. But just in the last few episodes that is changing. The same time we meet Priestley, we also get to know Tru's father, step mom, her mother's killer, and a nosy reporter that is figuring out what Tru is doing. All much more interesting long-term characters/arcs than another "my older sister is a drug user" snorefest.

So there are many changes happening; hopefully it'll all be for the better. (Hair Bear)

I might have to start watching that. If only to see if Tru's brother is still picking fights with ninjas.

Subject: What Book Is This?

I don't know what the book is with the raft and the leafy guy and the cat creature, but I have to wonder, is 'Deyv' prounounced 'Dave'? Because that would disappoint me, if I read a whole sf or fantasy novel with a character I thought had a cool made up sf/fantasy name, and it turned out the whole time he was really just some guy called 'Dave'. (anxietygrrl@hotmail.com)

I agree. If you're going to go to all the trouble of breaking grammar rules and putting lots of apostrophes in there, I say make the name as freaky and hard to pronounce as possible.

Subject: Battlestar Galactica

Just got around to reading your articles (don't have cable). It brought back the memory of watching the pilot in 1978. We had a portable B&W TV wedged in the ambulance cab, with Battlestar on while we ran emergency calls (the big city, my partner, and I hope me, will remain nameless). As I recall, the show didn't quite live up to expectations -- I never could figure out which character was supposed to be Hoss. (n9oca@aol.com)

What you did while watching Battlestar itself sounds like a show from the 1970s.

Were you on "Emergency!"? Is your name Randolph Mantooth? (If not, you should consider changing it.)

Subject: Mad Mad House

Joe only missed one detail about SciFi's show Mad Mad House where they make strange people live with a bunch of normal folks. Supposedly the idea is to learn tolerance. Ha. Get beyond the superficial. *Smirk*

No "guest" over 30 years of age, or over 120 pounds man or woman survived long enough to be in the contest where everyone ran around in the buff. No way was that not intentional. They even, as Joe pointed out, liked one lady they tossed out, but if you had wrinkles, or your butt looked like a walking vat of jello the hosts jogged you right out the door.

As for me, I'll tolerate people who hang from hooks, or sport fangs when they can look beyond a double chin, or a bad haircut. Yes, chubby is lifestyle choice and we were not represented on that show.

Please stop bad SciFi Channel programming in our life time. (Tundro)

Let's start with something easy, like getting people to hand free, never to be repaid money to guys and girls who write clever, interesting things on the Internet.

RevolutionSF humor editor and news editor Joe Crowe is pronounced "Dave."

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