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What Would Captain Kirk Do?
Contest Hosted by Joe Crowe

Where better to look for wisdom than the filmed works collectively titled Star Trek? Particularly, in the actions of Captain James T. Kirk, whose words and deeds inspire us all.

Today's Dilemma: I'm about to be passed over for a promotion because my boss doesn't like me. What should I do?

What Would Captain James T. Kirk Do?

Captain James T Kirk has no time for your silly questions!  He's off saving the galaxy!  He's on a very ... important ... mission from ... hey, you're a sweet-looking thing.  Have you ever done it on a conference table? (lightquencher@hotmail.com)

1. Break some big rule that causes and intergalactic incident.  (Better if you get to have sex while doing this)
2. Figure out a way to save your bosses from the problem in a way that makes them forget about #1 (Don't be afraid to cheat to do this)
3. Give a self righteous speech.  Just. Be. Sure. To. Use. Periods. A. Lot.
4. Have sex (Make sure it is a different woman than in 1). (dtoxopeu@ccs.carleton.ca)

First, go out and buy a TON of hairpieces.  Then gain weight, rapidly, while wearing the various hairpieces in public. At random, you should also being walking around shirtless. After several years have passed, start telling your coworkers how great it was for them to work with you, then quit your job.  Get work promoting a dot.com, but get paid in worthless stock, as opposed to actual money. If none of the above works, simply send your boss the TekWar books...Yay, ME! (leissuit@aol.com)

Don't.....worry about it.  Sure, the other....guy will be making much more money, but you can go to priceline.com and SAVE the same amount of money on airfare and car rentals!  Your boss......will certainly like you then, because....who doesn't appreciate thriftiness? (kjkearney@home.com)

Threaten the boss with the Corbomite Maneuver if you don't get a raise. (Except I tried that, and got a SWAT team escort to San Quentin for a couple months...)  (riddiman1-4@hotmail.com)

Convince your boss to beam down to the planet's surface wearing a red shirt. Then let nature take its course. (bessellieu@aol.com)

Ahh, yes.  The old Kobayashi Maru, an -utterly UNWINNABLE- situation has surfaced here.  There are... several things you must do to make up for it, but you must ASK YOURSELF: Are *you* truly setting your priorities correctly if your job comes first and your... boss, your leader, your very CAPTAIN second?  By God, man!  What do you think you're doing?  This isn't the Orion pirates!  Life in Starfleet, and ANYWHERE else, isn't just blowing up Romulans and constantly *FILKING* *THE* *WHITE AND YELLOW* *BRAINS* outuva green woman with a tail!  You must show that you commandeer your very PEERS, show that you are... not just another red shirt!  Show him that you are command material, because only then will you survive... FOR only then CAN you survive - the - away mission... which... IS... life! (imadharmabum@aol.com)

What you have here is what we call a no-win scenario, or a Kobayashi Maru. When faced with this kind of situation, you have only one alternative: cheat. My suggestion is to hack into the company computer, engineer your superior's termination orders, and arrange for yourself to have a promotion and a raise -- and, if possible, an assistant with a mini-skirt. (ahsturgis@mindspring.com)

Wisdom cannot be given rank, nor can different speakings of wisdom be quantified as better than any other. However, if they could, these two would
be the most profoundest:

I'd...get... revenge... by banging... his... ...... secretary.   (riddiman1-4@hotmail.com)

This.....promotion.....what....is it? What does God need with a promotion?! (smapdi_joe@hotmail.com)

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