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7 of 9: Apparently Not Sexy Enough
Revolution News
© Joe Crowe
June 25, 2004

Politician Jack Ryan, an Illinois Republican, has dropped out of the U.S. Senate race due to charges made by his ex-wife in their divorce.

Wait -- you're still on RevolutionSF. The ex-wife is Jeri Ryan, who played 7 of 9 on "Star Trek: Voyager."

The charges were made several years ago when they divorced, but have just now been released by a Chicago newspaper.

According to Ms. Ryan, her husband took her to sex clubs in against her will and urged her to perform sex acts in public. She refused, was repulsed, and that led to her wanting a divorce.

According to her, she cried when he made his insipid demand, and he said her crying was not a "turn-on."

This is Jeri Ryan. Her taking the trash out was a "turn-on."

Ladies and gentlemen, this story illustrates the textbook definition of "Screwing it up for everybody."

Now sci-fi actresses are going to be on the lookout for buttholes, and they might not marry them. On behalf of buttholes everywhere, let me say a big "Thanks a lot" to Jack Ryan.

What part of "I'M MARRIED TO 7 OF 9" did he not understand?

This guy bucked the 3 billion to one odds of marrying 7 of 9, and he goes and does crap like this. The one guy on the WHOLE PLANET, at the time, who married 7 of 9, and it turns out he's a total douche-bag.

You don't try to get 7 of 9 to have sex in public!
You do the dishes for her. You say "Please" and "thank you." You hope every day you don't do something stupid to make her leave you -- LIKE DEMANDING THAT SHE HAVE SEX IN PUBLIC.

Note that these rules also apply to every woman, everywhere.

Then again, Jeri Ryan later hooked up with "Trek" writer Brannon Braga, who lots of "Trek" fans also think is a douche-bag. Apparently there's hope for douche-bags everywhere.

Still, it's time we left poor Jeri Ryan alone. She was on "Star Trek: Voyager" for six years. Hasn't the poor woman suffered enough?
Joe Crowe is RevolutionSF news editor, humor editor, political maven and gadfly.

 
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