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Sci-Fi Theorizer: Rudolph and the Reindeer Games
Contest Hosted by Joe Crowe, February 06, 2006

What's with . . . not letting Rudolph play any reindeer games?

10. Damned Rudolph kept cleanin' 'em out! Even in Vegas, they have a limit to how much the house loses, don't they? And have you seen Rudy when he drinks at Friday night poker? He don't just have that red nose at Christmas, ya know. And cause of that seeing in the fog thing, the fat man won't let him go to AA meetings. (jankath)

9. Rudolph's obvious half ReinCygnoid ancestry makes the competition unfair and disqualifies him from the games. Obvious fear and envy of "Rudy's" origins will play a major factor in his psychological development and assimilation into Earth's reindeer society. (manicmyk)

8. On behalf of the other reindeer, per their lawyer’s advice, they're refusing to comment on alleged "game refusal" at this time, (Pyrate Kincaid)

7. Other reindeer just keep honking Rudolph's nose like a clown. (spam01)

6. There's no challenge in playing hide-and-seek with a freak who has a glowing nose. (chad1189)

5. Pfft, every reindeer knows that Santa would have them fixed in Rudy's favor. That red nose? A coverup for the brown one underneath. That catchy propaganda song fails to mention that Rudolph is a raging sycophant. (bradnwest)

4. Santa can't risk it. If the Easter Bunny sees something odd about Santa's JV squad he'll call for 'roid testing, which will lead to the conclusion that most reindeer can't fly at all. Santa could lose his whole franchise! (mattara)

3. While Santa's other reindeer were very sensitive to "differently abled" Rudolph, they found his taste in movies terrible: Ishtar, Hackers, Swept Away...they had to draw the line somewhere, and they drew it at Reindeer Games. (thezodiac)

2. Oh, sure. Like you'd let the little red-nosed freak play with YOUR calf? I'm a single reindeer, and thanks to "Dead-Beat" Blitzen, I have to work to part-time jobs (administrative assistant to King Moon Racer, and hauling for Yukon Cornelius) to afford childcare, and don't even get me started on Santa "Sexist" Claus! How many female reindeer does he have pulling his sleigh, huh? HUH? None! So when I drop little Dakota off at Reindeer Games, and I find the entire class gathered around a little calf with a terrible cold-- his nose was so red, you'd even say it glowed-- well, I wasn't going to stand for that. I didn't want little Dakota to be sneezing all through the Christmas season, the busiest time of the year, and have me take an unpaid leave, all because Donner was too selfish to keep his pathogen-spewing offspring out of circulation! You're darn right I told Comet to keep Rudolph out of the reindeer games! As if I don't get enough stress this time of year! And did you hear that the elves are going on strike for dental? (rtjhnsn1)

1. Rudolph often had serious issues discriminating reality from fantasy and would often get insanely carried away in D&D role playing games. This was exacerbated by the fact he was playing alongside real elves. (thinkways)



 
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