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RevolutionSF at the Movies: Definitive Year-in-Review 2005
© The RevolutionSF staff
May 31, 2006

Gentle reader, we know your secret:

You're one of those people. You spend more time reading about movies here on RevSF than you actually spend watching movies. And why not? Who has the time? Watching movies is for suckers.

That's why you love us. We watch the movies so you don't have to. Even the good movies. Especially the good movies. So you don't have to.

When you wanted to brag to your Joss Whedon worshipping friends that you got into a sneak preview of Serenity, RevSF was there for you.

When you wanted to talk about how unbelievable it is that people keep giving Uwe Boll money to make video-game adaptations, RevSF was there for you.

When you wanted to complain, in excruciating detail, how awfully awfully awful Jamie Foxx's crap-fest Stealth was . . .

Sorry, even we refused to go see that one.

Want to feel solidarity with the bitter old guys in the comic shop as they complain about how George Lucas urinated on the pure white snow of their childhood memories, even though the first sci-fi movie you ever saw was Independence Day? On video? And you got in trouble when your parents found out, because they thought you were too young? Or because you're Amish?

RevSF is here for you.

Only watch movies about people with sexual identity crises, terminal diseases, mental illness or about independent women constrained by society's expectations, but too ashamed to tell your die-hard anime-lovin', comic-book readin' Trekkie family?

Well, you should be ashamed, but RevSF is still here for you.

Ratings and Doom

A few things to keep in mind as you peruse this list. One is RevolutionSF's Rating System. Another is that, obviously, the more RevSFers that have seen a movie, the more statistically significant the averaged rating is, blah, blah, blah.

Lastly, most of the links below lead to our reviews of the movie. But some of them don't. Why? Because we're sneaky like that. Some are pure oddball detours. Others lead to . . . duh, duh, dum . . . Certain Doom.

Sorry to take so long with the introductions, but I was just vamping until the performers finished getting into their make-up and costumes . . .

Without further ado, I now present RevolutionSF's all-singing, all-dancing, all-knowing, all-nude 2005 Movie Review and Burlesque Extravaganza.

Starring . . . Film/DVD Editor Jason Myers, Contributing Editor Rick Klaw, Assistant Film Editor Andrew Kozma, RevSF Spankmuppet Gary Mitchel; and RevSF contributors Martin Thomas, Laura Eldred, and Jonathan McCalmont.

With cameos by . . . Humor Editor Joe Crowe, Anime Editor Kevin Pezzano, Games Editor Matthew Pook, Comics Editor Alan J. Porter, Contributing Editor Jayme Lynn Blaschke, author Mark London Williams, game designer Jeff Quick; and RevSF contributors Navin Vembar and Kristi Price.

The Year in Reviews

10 — Pride and Prejudice (Andrew)

10 — The Squid and the Whale (Martin)

10 — Munich (Martin)

10 — Match Point (Martin)

10 — Lord of War (Martin)

10 — Hustle & Flow (Martin)

10 — Grizzly Man (Martin)

10 — Crash (Martin)

10 — Wolf Creek (Jonathan)

9 — King Kong (Laura: 10; Jason, Rick, Gary: 9, Martin: 8)

9 — The Devil's Rejects (Martin)

9 — Rize (Martin)

9 — Murderball (Martin)

9 — Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story (Jonathan)

9 — The Beat That My Heart Skipped (Jonathan)

9 — Cache a.k.a Hidden (Jonathan)

9 — Asylum (Jonathan)

8.88 — Serenity (Andrew, Laura: 10; Jason, Matthew, Gary, Jonathan: 9; Kristi: 8; Martin: 7)

8.83 — Batman Begins (Laura, Martin: 10; Rick, Gary: 9; Jason: 8; Jonathan: 7)

8.8 — Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit (Jason, Rick, Gary, Jonathan: 9, Martin: 8)

8.67 — Brokeback Mountain (Rick, Martin: 10; Jonathan: 6)

8.5 — The 40 Year Old Virgin (Martin: 9; Laura: 8)

8.5 — Hostel (Laura: 9; Gary: 8)

8.33 — The Aristocrats (Gary: 9; Andrew, Martin: 8)

8.17 — Land of the Dead (Laura: 10; Jason: 9; Andrew, Gary, Martin: 8; Jonathan: 6)

8 — Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Jason: 10; Martin, Laura: 9; Mark: 8; Rick, Andrew: 7; Jonathan: 6)

8 — Unleashed (Martin: 9; Gary: 8; Laura: 7)

8 — Capote (Rick: 9; Martin: 7)

8 — Memoirs of a Geisha (Andrew: 9; Martin: 7)

8 — Jack-Jack Attack (Gary, Martin: 8)

8 — Boogeyman (Gary)

8 — The Greatest Game Ever Played (Martin)

8 — North Country (Martin)

8 — No Direction Home: Bob Dylan (Martin)

8 — Mad Hot Ballroom (Martin)

8 — Kiss Kiss, Bang Bag (Martin)

8 — Just Like Heaven (Martin)

8 — Happy Endings (Martin)

8 — Walk the Line (Laura)

8 — The Descent (Jonathan)

7.8 — Howl's Moving Castle (Jason, Jonathan: 9; Jayme: 8; Andrew: 7; Martin: 6)

7.75 — Sin City (Kevin, Laura, Gary: 10; Jason: 9: Rick: 7; Andrew, Martin: 6; Jonathan: 4)

7.75 — Good Night, and Good Luck (Rick: 10; Martin: 8; Andrew: 7; Jason: 6)

7.67 — Jarhead (Jason, Martin: 8, Andrew: 7)

7.67 — Hitch (Martin, Laura: 8; Rick: 7)

7.6 — Kung Fu Hustle (Jason, Rick, Andrew: 9; Jonathan: 6; Martin: 5)

7.5 — The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (Jason: 10; Laura: 9; Gary, Martin: 8; Andrew: 6, Jonathan: 4)

7.5 — Family Guy Presents: Stewie Griffin – The Untold Story (Rick: 8; Martin: 7))

7.33 — Wedding Crashers (Martin, Laura: 8; Jonathan: 6)

7 — Star Wars: Clone Wars, Volume 2 (Gary: 10; Jason: 8; Jonathan: 7; Martin: 3)

7 — A History of Violence (Laura: 9; Jonathan: 8; Jason: 6; Martin: 5)

7 — Assault on Precinct 13 (Gary: 9; Laura, Jonathan: 7; Martin: 5)

7 — Mirrormask (Jason: 9; Rick: 7; Martin: 5)

7 — Sky High (Jason, Gary, Martin: 7)

7 — The Island (Gary, Martin: 7)

7 — Robots (Gary: 8; Martin: 6)

7 — Bride and Prejudice (Jason)

7 — Cry Wolf (Gary)

7 — The Producers (Martin)

7 — The Legend of Zorro (Martin)

7 — The Great Raid (Martin)

7 — The Chumscrubber (Martin)

7 — Shopgirl (Martin)

7 — Just Friends (Martin)

7 — The Skeleton Key (Jonathan)

7 — Rock School (Jonathan)

6.8 — Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Jason: 8; Rick, Andrew, Laura: 7; Martin: 5)

6.67 — The Fantastic Four (Joe, Gary: 8; Laura: 7; Jason, Rick: 6; Martin: 5)

6.67 — The Amityville Horror (Jonathan: 8; Gary: 7; Martin: 5)

6.63 — Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: (Jason: 10; Gary, Laura: 8; Rick, Jeff: 7; Andrew, Martin: 5; Jonathan: 3)

6.6 — Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Laura, Gary: 8; Jason: 7; Martin, Jonathan: 5)

6.5 — Kingdom of Heaven (Martin: 8; Jonathan: 7; Jason: 6; Rick: 5)

6.5 — Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (Jason, Martin: 8; Jonathan: 5)

6.5 — Batman Vs. Dracula: The Animated Movie (Martin: 7; Rick: 6)

6.5 — The New World (Jonathan: 8; Andrew: 5)

6.5 — Zathura (Gary: 7; Martin: 6)

6.5 — The Jacket (Jonathan: 8; Martin: 5)

6.25 — Constantine (Jason: 10; Joe, Rick, Gary: 7; Andrew, Laura: 6; Martin: 5; Jonathan: 2)

6.13 — The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Andrew: 8, Jason, Gary, Jeff, Laura: 7; Jonathan: 6; Martin: 5; Rick: 2)

6 — War of the Worlds (Jason: 8, Gary, Jonathan: 6; Martin: 4)

6 — House of Wax (Laura: 8; Martin: 7; Gary: 6; Jonathan: 3)

6 — Saw II (Gary: 8; Martin: 7; Jonathan: 3)

6 — March of the Penguins (Martin: 7; Andrew: 5)

6 — The Constant Gardener (Martin: 9; Jonathan: 3)

6 — The Prophecy: Uprising (Jason)

6 — Cursed (Gary)

6 — A Lot Like Love (Martin)

6 — Fever Pitch (Martin)

6 — Diary of a Mad Black Woman (Martin)

6 — Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic (Martin)

6 — Sahara (Martin)

6 — Roll Bounce (Martin)

6 — Madagascar (Martin)

6 — Junebug (Martin)

6 — Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo (Laura)

6 — The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse (Jonathan)

6 — Breakfast on Pluto (Jonathan)

5.83 — Corpse Bride (Rick, Gary: 8; Jason: 7, Andrew: 6; Martin: 4; Jonathan: 2)

5.67 — The Exorcism of Emily Rose (Jason, Gary: 6; Martin: 5)

5.5 — The Interpreter (Rick: 6; Martin: 5)

5.17 — The Brothers Grimm (Andrew: 8; Jason: 6; Laura, Navin: 5; Jonathan: 4; Martin: 3)

5 — Elektra (Laura: 7; Jason: 5; Joe: 3)

5 — Dark Water (Gary: 6; Martin: 4)

5 — Nothing (Rick)

5 — The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Martin)

5 — The Ice Harvest (Martin)

5 — Into the Blue (Martin)

5 — Four Brothers (Martin)

5 — Everything is Illuminated (Martin)

5 — Elizabethtown (Martin)

5 — Chicken Little (Martin)

4.5 — The Ring Two (Jonathan: 6; Gary, Laura: 5; Martin: 2)

4.5 — Valiant (Martin: 5; Alan: 4)

4.5 — Bad News Bears (Rick: 6; Martin: 3)

4.33 — Aeon Flux (Jason: 5; Andrew, Navin: 4)

4.33 — White Noise (Gary: 6; Andrew: 5; Martin: 2)

4 — The Fog (Jason, Gary: 4)

4 The Cave (Gary)

4 — Broken (Martin)

4 — The Wedding Date (Martin)

4 — The Pacifier (Martin)

4 — Path of Evil (Laura)

4 — The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl in 3-D (Martin)

4 — Must Love Dogs (Martin)

4 — Kicking and Screaming (Martin)

4 — Beauty Shop (Martin)

3.8 — Doom (Gary: 7; Laura: 6; Andrew: 3; Jason: 2; Martin: 1)

3.5 — Stay (Gary: 6; Martin: 1)

3.5 — xXx: State of the Union (Laura: 5; Martin: 2)

3 — Man-Thing (Joe, Gary: 3)

3 — Alien Abduction (Gary)

3 — Miss Congeniality: Armed and Fabulous (Martin)

2.5 — Bewitched (Jason: 3; Martin: 2)

2.5 — Son of the Mask (Gary: 4; Martin: 1)

2.5 — A Sound of Thunder (Gary: 3; Martin: 2)

2 — Alone in the Dark (Gary)

2 — Stealth (Martin)

2 — Red Eye (Martin)

2 — Get Rich or Die Tryin' (Martin)

2 — Flightplan (Martin)

1 — H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds (Rick)

1 — The Dukes of Hazzard (Martin)

1 — Rent (Martin)


Secretly, every one of the RevolutionSF staff is looking forward to Dukes of Hazzard 2. We love you, Enos!

 
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