Spider-Man 3 is a movie. People are required to see it as a condition of citizenship. At a Time magazine dinner, Star Wars George Lucas said to Fox News columnist Roger Friedman that Spider-Man 3 was "silly. It's a silly movie . . . There just isn't much there. Once you take it all apart, there's not much story, is there?"

Meow!

Then he said, "People thought Star Wars was silly, too . . . But it wasn't."

Now, the big question is, who said this? Fun George Lucas who was on The Colbert Report? Or over-serious, Head Up The Ass George Lucas who's on everything else?

It'd be much more fun if it was the second guy. Because oh no he didn't. Now let's picture him giving a triple finger snap in Z formation.

In a completely separate incident, George Lucas said publicist Sid Ganis was the reason Empire Strikes Back is called the best one, "when it actually was the worst one."

Obviously at that soiree they served Hater-Ade.

The Indiana Jones 4 script has Indy's dad in it, but Sean Connery hasn't signed up yet. Lucas said, "If he doesn't do it, we'll do a quick rewrite." Just put Karen Allen in a white beard. That'd take care of two problems.

The two next Star Wars live-action things will be made for TV, and it won't be about the Skywalkers. Finally, we can learn more about the Ackbars and the Mothmas.

Lucas is all up in The History Channel's business. He did 94 (count 'em!) 94 documentaries on real people who actually existed for the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles DVDs. They'll air on History Channel's website late this year. Apparently these so-called "real people" appeared in Young Indy storylines, so the documentaries help us to become educated. Which sounds suspiciously like book-learnin', which I'm none too fond of.

Wait! What's that I said about Young Indiana Jones Chronicles on DVD? There's no official date, because that would be too convenient. Rick McCallum, the Bootsy Collins to Lucas' George Clinton, said the first set will be out by Christmas of 2007.

The History Channel will show a Star Wars documentary May 28. A press release said Star Wars is "almost Shakespearean in its power, humor, presentation and influence."

Why the apologetic tone? I'd rather watch some parts of Star Wars than read some parts of Shakespeare. I wonder if back then, anyone said about Shakespeare, "By my halidom, this is lameth! Now he's just town-crying it in."