Movies of geekity interest should be only two minutes long. This is because trailers are so good. They make us laugh. They make us cry. They work so hard to make us happy.
Trailer Probe rates the geek explosion content, a measure of how much it combusts our cortex with a volley of geekitude. In every case, we do not know how good the movie is.
Also measured: Dork disengagement level, reasons you won't like it, for those who haven't a moment to waste on a trailer they may not freak out about.
Reason to watch: You like the original War Games so much that you want to see it re-enacted with today's sexy unknown actors.
The title is War Games: The Dead Code not War Games 2, so it's a completely different movie, of course. That totally lets it off the hook.
Dork disengagement level: It's the exact same movie. Kid almost starts World War 3 while he thinks he's playing a game. This time it's a war sim with a sexy female voice. But no Matthew Broderick. No Ally Sheedy. No hack into the school computer to change grades on an Apple IIE.
There is a grand total of one War Games reference. The list of games on a sexy war sim includes Global Thermonuclear Warfare, the option Broderick chose. In the trailer, the kid mouses right past it to The Dead Code. For some reason. Maybe he thought it would have zombies.
Geek explosion level: 100,000 geek parts per million.
Reason to watch: You like the original so much that you want to see it re-enacted with today's sexy unknown actors.
Except The Two Coreys are in it somewhere!
And one of the vamps is Kiefer Sutherland's real life half-brother! Isn't that clever?
Dork disengagement level: It's the exact same movie. The trailer has a smidgen of Feldman, which is Corey-tastic.
I fear the movie has a little of the Two Coreys, but it's not about the Two Coreys. And that is just crazy. The Coreys from Lost Boys should come back and kick vampire ass, and there's your movie. How difficult is that?
And there's no Haim. Haim is supposedly in the thing. But not the trailer. How am I supposed to watch a movie with the Two Coreys in it if only one Corey is in it?
I repeat this warning: Trailer contains no Haim. No Haim at all.
Geek explosion level: 300,000 geek parts per million. (would have been 600,000 with more Haim.)
Reason to watch: Here is how you do a sequel, you silly Haim-withholding Sheedy-lacking bastards.
The trailer has new monsters, the whole original Hellboy cast, a dislikeable new villain who strolls into the good guy's HQ, and a Cthulhian monster rampaging through a city.
Dork disengagement level: Only if you cannot forget that Jeffrey Tambor was the wacky neighbor on The Ropers..
Also not recommended if you dislike things that are excellent.
Geek explosion level: 900,000 geek parts per million.