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Trailer Probe : 9
© Joe Crowe
January 04, 2009

Items of geekity interest should be only two minutes long. Trailers make us laugh. They make us cry. They work so hard to make us happy.

Trailer Probe rates the geek explosion content, how much our cortex is combusted with a volley of geekitude. Dork disengagement level is reasons you won't dig it.


Geek explosion content: The apocalypse! Hooray!

The busted-up house about to fall into the abyss looks so pretty.

If they call the sequel 9 II, everyone will think it's about the emergency number.

Straw men! Maybe they'll get their stuffing yanked out like in Wizard of Oz.

All the straw men look like the cartoon boy in the LucasArts logo.

I like a ragtag band of misfits in my movies. So these guys are rag doll-looking. They're literally rag-tag. And all I can think of is how I can't wait to see them get beaten or ripped up. I think there's something wrong with me.

Dork disengagement level: Some old guy's voice talks about what bad shape everything's in, and how Elijah Wood has to save everybody. It feels so very familiar, somehow.

Nah, that's crazy.

It's by "visionary director Shane Acker."

Who is Shane Acker?

I just found out who Shane Acker is. He worked for special effects people Weta on one of those Lord of the Rings movies. Not all of them. One. And now he's "visionary."

The people who cooked the food on the set must now be called "visionary caterers."

Dramatic pronouncement from wise ancient one: Check.

Big scary monster: Check.

A half-dozen famous celebrities snatching food off the table of full-time voice actors: Check.

Geek explosion level: 600,000 geek parts per million.

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