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Top 6.66 Vampires : Count Floyd, Count Duckula, Dracula
© RevolutionSF
October 23, 2009

6.66. Drak Pack

Maybe the king of bloodsucking evildoers is not so bad. He led his vampire son Drak Jr. and the offspring of a werewolf and a Frankenstein monster to fight bad guys. The kids can also become wacky teenagers. How their supernatural parents reproduced was never revealed. But thanks a lot, Drak Pack for making us wonder about Frankenstein's monster doin' it.

Their most questionable action, however, was that to become monsters, they yelled, "Drak Pack, let's whack." Indeed they whacked. Frequently. It was the 1970s.

6. Bunnicula

The Monroe family dog thinks their new pet rabbit is a vampire. Then he spends seven books trying to kill it before it consumes them all. The dog is clearly driven insane by paranoia and terror.

The lesson kids learn from these books: Rabbits want to kill you.

5. Count Duckula

Thanks to a mistake in the Count's reincarnation, he survives on ketchup, not blood. And he's a duck.

The best part of his "dreadful dynasty," however, is how the narrator pronounces "dynasty."

4. The Countess, Once Bitten

"Oooooh. Rough trade."

Like every young man in the 1980s, Mark only wanted to have sex. His girlfriend did not, however, even though, clearly, all the cool kids were doing it.

Times were getting hard for The Countess. She pursued Mark, because she had to bite virgins to continue to look like Lauren Hutton.

Mark then convinced his girlfriend to jump his bones. His incredibly good reason. If she refused to jump, he would be turned into a vampire. And it totally worked! Be sure to write that down.

3. Count Floyd, SCTV

Count Floyd scores so high on this list because of his focus. He strived to frighten children, right out of their tiny, innocent minds. Surely, he also wanted to drink their blood, but his first priority was terror. We respect his commitment.

2. Dracula, Love At First Bite

"You enjoy having your ankles licked." -- Dracula

After centuries of being a soulless monster, Dracula finds that he loves the night life, and likes to boogie with a gigantic haired fashion model. Then he turns her into a blood-lusting fiend, too. That is so sweet.

1. The Count

The Count prowls around Sesame Street counting everything. He counts the spiders on the wall. He counts cobwebs in the hall. He counts the candles on the shelf. When he's alone he counts himself. (Here is awesome video evidence.)

There lies his genius. Everyone on Sesame Street focused on his compulsion. They assumed he was so into counting that he didn't bother with slaking his awful thirst. How many children, talking animals, and neon-colored creatures has he slaughtered? The Count knows.


"Sometimes I get carried away."


Feast! Feast upon more of Halloween's Top 6.66!

 
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