Splice (June 4)

After seeing theater-goers response to this trailer, I expect this sci-fi retread to die a quick ignoble death. -- Rick Klaw

I'm really glad that the creepy feral baby from It's Alive is getting work again. It's so nice when Hollywood pays its own back. -- Mark Finn

So it is safe to say this movie is not about an all lesbian Spice Girls tribute band. -- Deanna Toxopeus

Jonah Hex (June 18)

I kinda hate Megan Fox, but I'm hoping the Malkovich factor will even the balance. -- Matt Cowger

Have you seen a a poster for this? Yeah, neither have I. And I own a movie theater. My advice: Don't go see it. Let it tank like the turd in the punch bowl that it will undoubtedly be, and send a message for once. Please! Vote with your dollars. -- Mark Finn

But, but -- it's Jonah Frickin Hex! Let me watch the trailer. Oh hell, you're right. Dang. It was OK up until the gatling cannons mounted on the horse. -- Dave Farnell

Sorry, Jonah Hex. Buzz and Woody will eat you for breakfast. Well, let's say lunch. The movie doesn't start until noon. -- Joe Crowe

Two words: Josh Brolin. Thank you, Hollywood. All is forgiven. I'll be in my bunk. -- Deanna Toxopeus

I predict this will be an epic bad comic book adaptation that will make Dolph Lundgren's Punisher look like Citizen Kane and eclipse both LXG and Wild Wild West as the movie with the most inappropriate use of steampunk tropes. -- Rick Klaw

Toy Story 3 (June 18)

First Josh Brolin kicks ass with a wanked-up face. Then he gets his ass kicked by a bunch of toys. -- Jay Willson

The only must-see of the bunch. -- Peggy Hailey

One word: Pixar. Pixar. PIXAR! Is there no one among us who does not acknowledge their brilliance? If their next movie was called Pots and Pans I'd try to book it opening weekend, because it's Pixar. They have never disappointed me, not once. -- Mark Finn

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Twilight Saga: Eclipse (June 30)

I saw about five minutes of the first two when my daughter rented the DVDs a couple weeks ago. Even after being told again and again how bad they were, I was shocked at how bad they were. -- Dave Farnell

Bella blah blah Edward blah blah Jacob blah blah love traingle blah blah angst. Is this over yet' When can vampires be scary again' Or at least, I wish they could date women who talk about something other than how cool it is to date vampires. -- Deanna Toxopeus

I'm on Team Bella Needs Acting Class. I saw Adventureland. She was supposed to play a beautiful lost soul. But she stared at the other actors and looked half asleep. -- Joe Crowe

Right! And in Adventureland, she was supposed to be sympathetic -- I think -- and instead I wanted to cave her head in with a cinderblock.

Aw, who am I kidding? I've not seen the first two and won't, neither, because I AM A MAN. So it doesn't matter, at all, what I say about this movie. I'm excited to have it, it's going to be a home run for the theaters for at least three weeks, as the same moon-eyed women come back again and again and again. Beanie Babies were not this profitable. -- Mark Finn