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Predators
Reviewed by Joe Crowe, © 2010

Format: Movie
By:   Nimrod Antal, Robert Rodriguez
Genre:   Predators
Review Date:   July 22, 2010
RevSF Rating:   9/10 (What Is This?)

"Please stop doing that." -- Royce

I was lured to Predator because there was a pro wrestler in it. I was lured to Predators because Predator was so excellent.

There were no pro wrestlers in Predators, but I liked the movie anyway.

Not as excellent parts

The water. Adrien Brody and Isabel look with ominous portent at water that must have been doing something weird on the Predator planet. But I'm not sure what it was, because I am not a geologist or hydrologist, or some guy who knows what in the world was up with the water.

The doctor. One character claimed to be a doctor. The characters wondered why he was chosen for their group. I figured he'd stitch them up and keep them alive to be hunted by Predators. But then he did nothing medical for the whole movie.

The mythology. Laurence Fishburne explained the difference between Predator castes. They were different sizes and they had different armor, but they all looked the same to me. But I was engorged in popcorn butter at the time.

The sun. When the humans figure out they're not on Earth -- spoilers! OMG! -- , one says the sun hasn't moved. Then it turns night. Then day comes quickly after. That's a freaky orbit.

But I give this one a pass. Astronomy will not ruin a sci-fi movie for me, so help me.

Excellent parts

Perry the Platypus. My little girl and I watch Phineas and Ferb. The only sound Perry the Platypus makes is the Predator death-click sound, as you'll see right here.

So the Disney cartoon Phineas and Ferb references Predator in every episode. That rules.

Foreman. Topher Grace, Eric from That 70s Show and Venom from Spider-Man 3, is so good. I figured he would die quickly in some funny way.

"I love cake."

Everyone else. Like the original, every cast member got a moment and a great line. Their chemistry was sitcom-like. I mean that as a compliment.

Shane from The Shield. Most flicks involving terror and monsters have a scene where the hunted humans take a break and talk about what they would do if they survive. They'd like to eat ice cream, or a juicy steak. But Shane wants different things, because he is not very nice. Hilarious.

The frat party. My people Dave and Ty (who sucks) saw the movie with me. Dave said when he saw one Predator alone, strung up at a campsite, it looked like a frat prank.

"Come on, guys! This isn't funny anymore! My girlfriend is gonna kill me!"

The original. An exposition scene tied this movie to the original 1987 flick. I nearly exploded. Geek parts per billion: Off the chart.

The whole movie. I was prepared to like Predators because it had Predators in it. By that scale, nothing is good enough. Well, except Predator. Predators is not as good as Predator. We must accept Predators on its own terms. Its terms are pretty awesome.

Adrien Brody. When I saw him in Angels in the Outfield, I thought one thing: Total badass.


RevolutionSF's Joe Crowe could quote from the Predator movie all day, but that would be silly. Go to the movie site. Then get to the choppa.

 
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