\"Always wondered what that felt like.\" -- Batman

Every Dark Knight Rises review focuses on the conclusion to Christopher Nolan\'s epic trilogy, Nolan\'s take on the story of Batman.

So I will talk about Bane\'s jacket.

In the 1990s, after Batman Returns, I said that a bad Batman movie is better than no Batman movie. Then Joel Schumacher proved me incorrect. Dark Knight Rises is not a bad Batman movie. It\'s the Return of the Jedi of the Batman movies.

Dark Knight was Empire Strikes Back. And Return of the Jedi wraps up all storylines while introducing new good guys that you want to hate.

Here\'s where Batman is better than Iron Man. He had a plan. Iron Man in the finale of Avengers just flew a bomb into the space hole. He assumed he would die.

In the finale of Dark Knight Rises, Batman had a plan. He knew he wouldn\'t die. He escaped from a nuclear bomb to a diner in Italy.

Because he\'s Batman, that\'s how.

That means Nolan\'s story worked; I totally bought the finale, and Michael Caine stuck the landing with the graveside sobbing.

The happy finale is just precious. It\'s the ending to the Batman story that we\'ll never get in the comic books. But I don\'t want it. Batman has to stay alive, because he\'s Batman.

The climactic snapping of the Batman\'s back led to more greatness. The pit where the grizzled old men hung out was so fun.

One old man cured Batman\'s back injury, by punching him really hard in the back. See, he had a vertebrae sticking out right there POW!

That\'s how they cure everything in The Pit. \"I\'m afraid you have throat cancer.\" THWOK!

\"I got a hangnail.\" BAM! Punch to the finger!

Then Batman hollered like Steve Carrell getting Kelly Clarksoned. Bat up.

When I wrote this story about Tom Hardy, the guy who played Shinzon in Star Trek Nemesis, I did not imagine how successful he would be.

Political implications and societal meaning are not my bag. The discussion about this movie should be: What\'s the deal with Bane wearing a coat?

He rescued himself from a crashing plane. He wears a sleep apnea mask all the time. Yet when he goes outside in the winter, he feels like it\'s a little nippy. So while he\'s speechifying about class warfare, he\'s snuggly warm with his furry collar.

The movie sets him up as a towering monster who breaks the Batman. I thought he was hilarious.

When he strolled into the street, with his thumbs in his jacket lapels like Boss Hogg, I almost died.

Batman actors have it rough. They only have their chin and their lips to act with. But poor Tom Hardy only had his eyes and his forehead!

He deserves the Bat-Oscar for that. He put those eyebrows to work.

Even if he sounded like the king in the Bugs Bunny cartoon, demanding \"Where\'s my hasenpfeffer?\"