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Batman 66 Bat-Probe Episode 18: Holy Rat Race
Reviewed by Geena Phillips, © 2014

Format: TV
Genre:   Batman!
Review Date:   November 24, 2014

When last we left the Caped Crusaders, they were shrink-wrapped to a train track, and about to be plowed under by the 4:10 Penelope Pureheart Special. How'd they make their daring escape? Well, I just watched it, and I STILL have no fucking idea. Best to move on (but I will note, as with last episode, they apparently couldn't even afford stock footage of a subway train to insert here).

Meanwhile, False Face threatens Blaze for her supposed treachery, as he lounges about in a silk kimono and Father Guido Sarducci mask (don't ask me to explain, folks; I am but a humble chronicler of events).

Happily, Chief O'Hara has escaped from where False Face failed to leave him for dead.

"That's why I'm concerned about Batman and Robin.”
Commissioner Gordon: ”The Caped Crusaders?”
No, Commish, the OTHER Batman and Robin. >facepalm< Sigh. I am THIS close to reaching the conclusion that Commissioner Gordon has EXACTLY the police force he deserves.

B&R are in the Batcave, watching TV (hopefully labeled "Television"; I'm beginning to think they have an ongoing gas leak, what with all the labels on everything). Later, the Bright Knight grills the president of the local NPR station over the mysterious broadcast that saved his and Robin's lives. ”I don't think we should take religion lightly,” he proclaims. I'm with you on that, Bats: At least half the nuts you've gotten locked up in Gotham State Penitentiary claim that "God made me do it." But tackling the root causes of crime is anathema to everything Batman stands for, so I'll stop digressing.

After some stunning, sparkling repartee on how radio advertising is paid for (False Face's gal Blaze paid for the radio announcement with a check? Who does she think she is, Jerry Springer?), The Dynamic Duo head back to police headquarters. There, they piece together False Face's plan: to replace the money in Gotham National Bank's vault with counterfeit bills, thus rendering account holders' funds worthless (of course, this is before the US dropped the Silver Standard, so I GUESS this was kind of a legit concern…?).

”Is Batman capable of 'out-falsing' False Face?” asks the narrator, plaintively. Well, False Face successfully disguises himself as the guard outside the vault, while Batman successfully disguises himself as a giant pouf in a Halloween costume, so draw your own conclusions.

Wow, if you could actually cut through the bars on a bank vault with what is basically a Dremel tool, I would rob banks ALL THE TIME. Just sayin'. After that, FF's wily criminal gang manage to squeeze through the holes in the bars, and cut the cord to the electric-eye sensor (a cord that is easily reachable from outside the bars, but that's none of my business tho). Important note at this juncture: this part of the daring bank heist takes four guys about as long as it would take two burglars in the real world to completely clean out a three-story townhouse. Time is money, gentlemen. I also have to question the logic of using explosives to enter a bank vault, when your goal is to surreptitiously replace the money. But whatevs.

”We're rich, False Face; rich beyond the dreams of avarice!” Well, I for one am glad to see that Gotham City's criminal class are taking time to avail themselves of the continuing-education opportunities afforded by Gotham Community College. Good on them!

Turns out it was a carefully-laid trap by the Dynamic Duo; fisticuffs ensue, joined by the finest men of the GCPD (Chief O'Hara's efforts to subdue a little person are PRICELESS). In the confusing melee, False Face makes his escape, all the while plotting to lead Batman and Robin into a trap (Spoiler Alert: This "trap" is probably going to suck).

I hate being right all the time. That trap WAS pretty goddamned worthless. Seriously; the only reason it takes Batman fifteen seconds to get out of it is an appalling lack of shutting up while doing it.

Wait a minute, False Face. You mean to tell me that your early 60s Dodge cargo van had rocket launchers this whole time? Seems to me you could have solved this whole B&R problem WAY earlier; talk about burying the lede…

Psych! Turns out False Face RPG'd a fake Batmobile (inflatable, even). False Face tries to make a getaway on motorcycle; but, thanks to the fleet-footed work of (seriously middle-aged) stuntmen, Batman and Robin soon bring him in, despite a bewildering(ly stupid) variety of desperate disguise attempts.

The final scene, at Stately Wayne Manor, happens an indeterminate period of time after the rest of the episode (a fact the show doesn't bother mentioning), and features Aunt Harriet introducing the newly released and reformed Blaze to Bruce and Dick. Alas, the stem really is off the rose for Blaze and I.


Better to have loved and lost, I suppose.


p.s. You guys! Don't forget, we're still looking for a suitable code-phrase to replace the kinda-on-the-nose "It's the Bat-phone, sir." Tweet your suggestions with the hashtag #itsthebatphonesir to the RevolutionSF Twitter at @RevolutionSF Twitter, or email me at geenacanblowme@gmail.com. On Halloween, we'll select the best one to receive a Batman-related prize pack from RevolutionSF.com, also known as BLORT, the Box of Likable and Remarkable Things.


Find all the Bat-Probes at the big list that’s right here

at this link.

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