Well, for starters, the recap of the episode that aired LAST NIGHT is roughly two-thirds the length of said episode.
When last we left the Dynamic Duo, they faced certain death at the hands of a lethal carnival shooting gallery.
However will they escape? Well, by lifting themselves up out of the line of fire, which almost anyone not suffering from a debilitating handicap could do. After quickly freeing themselves from the loosely-tied ropes binding their wrists, B&R beat a hasty retreat, rather than wait for the Penguin to show up and gloat.
You may wonder why our heroes don't simply wait around a mo, so they can immediately beat the tar out of Penguin and his henchman. In answer, I would say: Well, that wouldn't be much of an episode, now would it? Stop asking stupid questions!
Back at the Batcave, Robin expresses his misgivings about having slunk away in a fashion most cowardly, rather than stay to give the Penguin the thrashing he most assuredly deserves.
"On what charge?” asks Batman, apparently oblivious to the customs of the last 200 years of U.S. law enforcement.
At police headquarters, Penguin demands the GCPD take the Caped Crusaders' status as fugitives from justice seriously, going so far as to accuse Commissioner Gordon of harboring them. This clearly gets Chief O'Hara's (cheesy) Irish (accent) up. Penguin decides to double down and prank-call Batman on the commissioner's hotline, prompting the Bright Knight to promise an appearance at Penguin's "protective agency" offices (but first, he has Robin give the commish a phone call with Special Instructions).
The Dynamic Duo decide to pretend they've snapped and want to take the Penguin down, regardless of the consequences. West and Ward's portrayal of "snapped" is nothing short of delightful.
When the cops arrive, Batman and Robin cheese it, only to be chased and eventually gunned-down by John Law (who apparently see no problem with firing automatic weapons on a busy city street in broad daylight; but that's neither here nor there).
As the Penguin and his men take off in the stolen Batmobile, Chief O'Hara and his men cover the lifeless bodies of the Caped Crusader and Boy Wonder.
Later, on the TV, Commissioner Gordon announces that, in spite of their later misdeeds, the Dynamic Duo will be buried with full honors. Hmm. I'm beginning to think something's fishy here (I mean, there are 98 more episodes of this show). If this IS a ruse, then it's kind of a Dick Move on Batman's part, especially given Alfred's extreme state of upset at news of his employer's death.
O, frabjous day! Chief O'Hara asks Commissioner Gordon to sign the requisition for 297 rounds of blank ammunition. I knew they were faking it!
Courtesy of the hidden camera in the Batmobile (which appears to be mounted on a "selfie stick" protruding about two feet to the right of the passenger's door), B&R observe, with increasing vexation, the Penguin joy-riding Batman's whip around town to impress Sophia Starr.
It seems to work, as Sophia agrees to marry the Penguin. In the subsequent scene, Penguin's henchmen (now dressed in fancy wedding suits) do an accounting of the extravagant gifts being lavished on the soon-to-be-newlyweds. Penguin arrives, to make sure the bomb has been successfully planted in the Starr house's plumbing (I am seriously in the weeds as far as understanding the Capon of Crime's plan here, folks).
Once the bomb goes off, the ceiling begins leaking, requiring the wedding guests to avail themselves of the provided umbrellas (UPDATE: I still have no idea what the Penguin's plotting here, except that, by the most convoluted means possible, he's brought it around to some dippy umbrella-related nonsense. Again).
Oh, what a surprise. The umbrellas are rigged up to disorient the guests with showers of confetti and low-grade explosions. In the confusion, the wedding gifts (which technically belong to the Penguin anyway) are spirited away (another UPDATE: Still not sure what the Penguin's up to).
Oh, NOW I get it; I guess I didn't reckon it would be this stupid a plot.
Unluckily for the Penguin, having purloined the Batmobile is no guarantee of a smooth getaway. Hot on his tail, astride the Batcycle, the Caped Crusaders first eject the henchmen (or unconvincing dummies thereof) by remote control. Then, Batman decides to screw around with the Penguin a little bit, first by remote control opening the doors on the Batmobile, then by taking over the steering (his childlike glee at the thought of the Penguin's distress is possibly a little unseemly).
But before caging the big bird, B&R stop for a little light fisticuffs with the Penguin's henchmen (the prelude to which highlights Robin's clearly superhuman sense of hearing). Having made short work of those two middle-aged plug uglies, the Dynamic Duo give the Penguin his comeuppance.
(FIGHT NOTE: there seems to be an unusual amount of bullet-dodging in this particular episode; just struck me odd, is all), and tie all three crooks to the hood of the Batmobile like big game for the drive back to town (the calamitous effects on Batman's driving visibility notwithstanding).
In the epilogue scene, at GCPD headquarters, the Penguin's erstwhile bride-to-be wonders if her love and affection might be enough to make her felonious fiancé learn to walk the straight-and-narrow. Trust me, honey: the only possible outcome of that particular path is Keith Morrison narrating your sad, tragic story on an episode of Dateline.
Fortunately, Commissioner Gordon wisely breaks her bubble by having the Penguin brought in, so she can see his self-absorbed avarice for herself. Even then, it is only the Penguin's insistence that he be dragged off to prison rather than surrender his bachelorhood that puts the kibosh on her deluded plans of fixer-upper-ness.
FUN FACT: this is the first Dickless (and Bruce-less) ending to an episode of the show.
Find all of Geena's Bat-Probes at the big list that’s right here
at this link.
Even super-villains have to take baths. You hear that, every child watching this in 1966?