Shane Ivey and I worked together at Zealot.com from 1999 to 2001, as the dot-com bust was in mid-bust, before we started RevolutionSF.com. Right before the busting, we interviewed Bruce Harwood (Byers), Dean Haglund (Langley) and Tom Braidwood (Frohike), the Lone Gunmen from TV's X-Files about their soon-to-be quickly-canceled show. We asked them questions we got from fans in a chat room while we sat in a soon-to-disintegrate dot-com company office. The complete transcript is right here. Here are some of the good parts.
The Gunmen were funny, insightful and Bruce Harwood gave me his recipe for pudding.
Joe: First question, from ImaDharma Bum at aol.com.
Gunmen: (Everybody laughs)
If you could be a tree, who would you like to fall on the most?
Dean Haglund: Dean: I'm thinking I would like to fall on an obscure corporate executive who is somehow the lynchpin unknowingly to the worldwide corporate mess. I don't know who that person is, and THAT person doesn't know who he is, but I'd like to be that oak tree that comes down on him.
Bruce: That sounds like an episode!
Joe: Question from the chatroom: Are you enjoying, yet, basking in the glow of being lead characters?
Dean Haglund: Vancouver's a little different in that you don't -- no one really basks. It's a little more, how do you say, un-Hollywood here.
Joe: I went on my honeymoon there, last year, and everybody is really good-lookin'.
Tom: What part of Vancouver were you in?
Joe: I was right in the middle of town, there, next to the waterfront.
Dean: Wow. And you saw all the good-looking people?
Joe: Everybody: gorgeous. Everybody was wearing leather and riding the bus.
Dean: I think it has to do with, when it's sunny, the good-looking people come out, and when it's rainy it's the other people.
Tom: I get kissed in the pilot. Then I get kissed in the "Tango" episode.
Bruce and Dean: Aw, yeah.
Dean: Tom's getting all the action!
Joe: That doesn't seem very fair to the other guys.
Tom: Well, I, you know, I disagree with that.
Joe: So what's the status on guest stars on the show, guest stars from The X-Files?
Dean: The status? They stay in a nice hotel.
Joe: "Who'd win in a fight, Godzilla or the Lone Gunmen?"
Dean: Lone Gunmen!
Joe: Okay, that's one to one. We need a tiebreaker.
Tom: Well, I'd have to say the Lone Gunmen.
Bruce: What? Come on! He'd wipe us out with his radioactive breath.
Dean: No, we'd hack into something that would make him fall over.
Shane: What was your favorite TV show when you were kids?
Dean: Emergency! There would always be some accident, with a naked guy stuck in a folding bed.
Bruce: When I was little, I liked HR Pufnstuf.
Shane: I still have flashbacks about HR Pufnstuf.
Joe: One of the weird things about early-70s children's television is that every show involved children being lost and trapped.
Tom: You know, that's just to get rid of the parents, because otherwise you gotta explain why the parents aren't around watching this dumb kid.
Dean: It's the Bambi's Mother Syndrome, you know? Gee, if Bambi's mother hangs around, she's gonna be all, "Bambi, don't do this, Bambi, don't do that," so let's kill her off! Bambi can go have fun with the rabbits.
Dean: The fans of Dukes of Hazzard would write letters to the General Lee.
Bruce: But you know what the worrying thing would be, is if General Lee answered all those fan letters.
Shane: What a great gig for a writer, though.
Dean: Exactly. "Sometimes my dual-carb 427 heavy gets tired."
Joe: We need to know each of your favorite flavors of pudding.
Tom: Rice pudding.
Dean: I love LEMON pudding.
Bruce: Actually, there's a particular recipe of pudding that I like especially. I call it Snow Pudding, but it's basically chiffon lemon pudding.
Tom: Very elegant.
Bruce: Actually the way you make it really simple. You take the filling to a lemon meringue pie, and you take the meringue, and you mix 'em together. And that's the pudding.
Shane: Another fan question. "Dean, we want more Lord Manhammer. Have you ever played D&D?"
Dean: I have played it, but I was very bad, and I think I got as far as Elf with the Power to Nap.
Joe: Do the Lone Gunmen have an official fan club? Hopefully there will be soon, so you guys can get some secret decoder rings and some T-shirts out there.
Bruce: We'll just send out our newspaper, that's all!
Dean: Yeah, exactly.
Bruce: Every week, or every month, actually, you'll get a Lone Gunmen newspaper.
Joe: With the lead story, "Teletubbies = Mind Control."
Tom: You know it's true.
Bruce: You ever attempted to watch that show? You gotta sit through it. You gotta experience the whole thing.