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The Devil`s Rain: The Wiseguy Geekboy Bad Movie Review
Reviewed by Phillip White, ©

Format: Movie
By:   Robert Freust (director) and James Ashton I, Gabe Essoe, Gerald Hopman (writers)
Genre:   Occult Horror
Released:   1975
Review Date:  

This week's target: The Devil's Rain (1975)
Directed by: Robert Freust
Written by: James Ashton I, Gabe Essoe, Gerald Hopman
Genre: Occult Horror
Buy it: Right here.

I believe it was Robert Burns who said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" As we begin our plunge into the world of bad sci-fi movies, you and I, we will realize that there is no other endeavor in which these words are so applicable. For here we will find men who had ideas -- great ideas, sometimes -- but who lacked even the most rudimentary concepts of how to bring their ideas to life. Flickering across our television screens we shall see the tatters of their once proud and noble dreams, the sad, pale realities of what must have been, in their own minds, wondrous.

If only we could have seen the movies they wanted to make, as they imagined them before ever a single frame of film was shot or a single goofy monster costume was constructed, perhaps then we would be hailing these men as geniuses and their works as triumphs of our time.

Unfortunately, all we are left with is what they actually produced -- pitiful, laughable, farcical pieces of junk.

Thus we shall mock them.

We begin our journey with a movie titled The Devil's Rain. I picked this one up at the local movie store earlier today, and am approaching it relatively freshly -- my only previous knowledge of this film was through reading a brief review of it at another bad movie website, the bulk of which I have forgotten. Well, we shall see what we shall see.

To start with, let us peruse the DVD cover. Plastered across the front is Ernest Borgnine's rather unpleasant mug. He is wearing a red cloak, and for all the world looks like Charles Manson dressed as Little Red Riding Hood. Is it just me, or does Borgnine always look like he's in the process of taking a really massive dump? At any rate, I hope I have plenty of mustard on hand, because I have a feeling the ham will be cut thick before all is said and done.

Above Borgnine's strange and frumpled face we find the phrase, "Heaven help us all when THE DEVIL'S RAIN." I don't mean to sound like the Grammar Police, but something is amiss here. But wait! What's this? Ah, we have struck gold! For listed as stars of the movie we find (in addition to the aforementioned Mr. Borgnine) Tom Skerritt and William Shatner! By Crom! When two such titans of overacting as Borgnine and Shatner meet, can the Apocalypse be far behind? Surely this breaks some moviemaking rule, or possibly even some fundamental law of phsyics! Fearing for my life, I press on.

Beneath the picture of Borgnine is the phrase, "Absolutely the most incredible ending of any motion picture ever!" This is written in "scary" font, which I assume is meant to lend it more credence. Now admittedly, I have not yet watched the movie, but this seems like a rather bold statement. Certainly I have never heard The Devil's Rain mentioned in the same breath as, say, Psycho. I have a sneaking suspicion that the ending could prove disappointing if you were to believe the packaging. Fortunately for me, I have a healthy dose of cynicism.

Turning the cover over, we find on the back only the usual movie plot synopsis. No spelling errors or outlandish statements here to -- wait a minute! That young actor at the bottom, it couldn't be -- no, wait -- it is!! It's John Travolta in his film debut! And what's more, Eddie Albert (Mr. Douglas from Green Acres) will be joining us! Ye gods, this is the greatest cast ever assembled! In spite of myself, I find that I am eager to sit down and watch the movie, though not, I imagine, for the reasons that the director intended.

I shall return upon viewing . . .

Continued . . .
RevolutionSF writer Phillip White knows evil when he sees it.

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