Pssst! For the downlow on New Joe's DVD rating philosophy, click
Dogma -- Special Edition
Yes, I know it's normally lame, but packaging can be cool, too. Sure, those
boxes of abnormal shapes that they sold some early 90s computer games in sucked
ass, but well, they've given you a nice little box, and a DVD case that looks
like a book, to try to make it look classy. The disks are, conveniently, not
double-sided, so they've gone and printed some humorous art on them, as opposed
to leaving them mostly blank, or with that damned printing that you have to
tilt the disk at just the right angle to be able to read what the hell it says.
Now, you might think I'm going to gush all over the great special edition,
but before I do that, I'd like to point out that the menus use 'mystery
meat navigation', which has been shown to be useless in web pages, and now
rears its ugly head in DVD menus.
Now, that's not to say that the 'My Opinion' stuff that they're using as a
cut scene isn't damned funny. The technical commentary is amazingly non-technical,
until you're 30 minutes into the film, and then I think they managed to confuse
each other, but the 'Video Hijinks' commentary is great. This is the sort of
thing that I've been expecting for years out of 'interactive' media, and it
makes me wonder why the hell no one else has done it. It's also funny that they've
censored the commentary tracks, and bleeped out names and companies that they've
The scene selection suffers from the common problem of not being able to jump
quickly to scene 16 without having to go through four screens to get there,
but they've given us little video clips, not still shots, which is always nice.
It'd have been nice if they had looped the sound cleanly, though.
And yet, I still haven't even mentioned the second disk. Not only do we have
16 deleted scenes, but you get a quick commentary about 'em, and you can see
a glazed over Jay and the young Bob before Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,
which helps to keep them from being 'crap that we cut from the movie because
it sucked, but you get it because you shelled out $30 for the DVD'.
The storyboards are kind of cool, but I have no clue what they were thinking
with the fake yellow legal pad. The outtakes are, well, your basic out takes
for the most part - people blowing their lines, doing stupid things, etc. If
you're going to watch 'em, make sure to look for the Star Wars commentary
on the train. The rest is okay, but, well, it's just outtakes.
If nothing else, you can make your friends who got the regular edition jealous
of all of the extra stuff which they don't have. Even for the stuff that they
have, you have the Pokemon trading card version of the cast list.
After much deliberation, I think I'm going to have to give them a 9. I hate
to be throwing that big of a number up there this quickly, but well, it is a
two disk set, damnit. As much as I hate the mystery meat navigation, the commentary
before deleted scenes helped to cancel it out, and the 'video hijinks' bit definitely
makes it fit my definition of a 9.
Dogma -- Regular Edition
Well, obviously, if I called this the 'regular edition', that would suggest
to you that there's some other, better edition, and not that they also put out
the 'inferior edition'. And well, yes, there's significantly less on this copy
than the 'Special Edition' version.
However, that also means that you might have a chance at snagging it at significantly
reduced prices, if you're performing testing to see if the laser in a DVD will
slowly eat its way through the disk after 473 viewings.
The 'Regular Edition' is one of those annoying double-sided disks, that for
the first few months I'd always put the wrong way in. I mean, hell, I'm looking
at the side that says 'widescreen', and the DVD reads from the bottom, so obviously,
I need to put the 'widescreen' side down, right?
Someone needs to beat whoever came up with these damned double-sided disks.
They sucked with video disk, they still suck with DVD.
Once you'd been sufficiently bitter about that little spec of dust which fell
onto the disk, then generated a greasy fingerprint as you attempted to wipe
it off, making the disk completely useless, you'd put the other side down, and
find that the disk contains... next to nothing.
Well, you've got your little 'talent files' section, and 'trailers'. Along
with the Dogma trailer, we've got The Opposite of Sex. Why the
hell do they do this crap to us?
Sure, we've got a few megs more, let's try to put in some advertising for some
other movie, and we'll call it a 'special feature'. If I wanted the trailer
for The Opposite of Sex, I'd have bought the damned movie, okay? And
I didn't, I bought Dogma. Oh, wait, no I didn't. My roommate did, I waited
for the Special Edition.
I'm going to have to give this a 3. As much as I might have liked to have put
it in there with a mediocre 4, I hate the double-sided disks a little too much.
It probably would have stood a better chance at a 4 if I rated it before I saw
the Special Edition.