Los Angeles -- Mergers between corporations handling similar lines
of business are commonplace, but industry awards usually remain separate entities.
This changed on December 3, 2000, with the announcement of the merger between
the Saturn Awards,
the annual award from the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Films
for achievement in genre films and television, and the Golden
Raspberry Awards, which celebrate the very worst of Hollywood.
John Simon Ritchie, a spokesman for the ASFFHF, said in a prepared statement:
"We give up. This is a year where, for the life
of us, we can't find a single science fiction, fantasy, or horror film worth
seeing at discount matinees, and we can't continue to pretend that Red
Planet, Dungeons & Dragons, Hollow Man, and Lost
Souls are worthy of awards. As it is, we're certain that we're going to
spend eternity in a lake of burning Tasmanian devil dung in the deepest pits
of Hell for nominating Empire of the Ants for a Saturn in 1978 and
Creature in 1985, and we can't stand the thought of Brian DePalma actually
expecting to win a Saturn for Mission to Mars.
"It was bad enough last year that you couldn't
tell the difference between the Saturn and Golden Raspberry nominees, to the
point where we thought we had a mole from the Razzies in the organization.
I mean, George Lucas nominated for Best Director and Jake Lloyd for Best New
Actor? What the f[il]k were we thinking? Were we all on crack? And then when
someone from SCI FI magazine pointed out that we gave the Best Home Video
Release to Free Enterprise instead of Trekkies or The Iron
Giant, well, it just made more sense to admit that science fiction
film sucks these days and pack it in. Either that, or admit that we were willing
to endorse anything so long as it had lots of flashy special effects or dopey
Raoul Duke, representative for the Golden Raspberry Awards, concurred. "It's
been a great year for us, and our only problem is trying to decide which of
this year's genre films is worthy of being considered 'the worst', so we can
hand out two awards and run the same film clip and save money. Normally, nobody
shows up to the Razzies ceremony to pick up their awards, but can you
imagine John Travolta showing up to pick up not one but two awards for Battlefield
Earth in each category?"
Because of the merger, the revamped Golden Raspberry now has enough money to
schedule a live telecast to be shown on the SCI FI Channel in March opposite
the Academy Awards. In a concession to Saturn history, the emcee is Golden Raspberry
winner of "Worst Actor of the Century" William Shatner, who plans
to join Priceline.com
associate and eyewear poster child Lisa Loeb in a interpretive dance adaptation
of "Pac-Man Fever" to open the show. This is to be followed by a retrospective
of previous Shatner musical numbers at previous Saturn ceremonies, including
his unique renditions of "Rocket Man", "Blitzkrieg Bop",
"Stairway to Heaven," "Cause I'm A Blonde", and the "Love
Theme from Apocalypse Now".
Duke explained the rationale. "William Shatner pretty much sums up what both the Razzies and the Saturns are all about, and the fact that he works cheap doesn't hurt. We wanted to get Richard Hatch from Battlestar Galactica
to host next year, but he's still bitching about the guy on Survivor
taking his name."
Plans for hosts in future broadcasts include Jason Carter
(Babylon 5), Butch Patrick (The Munsters), director Joel Schumacher
(Batman & Robin), "and anyone else who now makes a significant
portion of their annual income autographing glossies at science fiction and
Genre film industry press representatives were enthusiastic about the merger.
Mark A. Altman, columnist for Cinescape magazine, said, "As you
know, I used to edit Sci-Fi Universe, back when it was good, so I think
this is a great move for the science fiction industry. By the way, did I mention
that the Los Angeles Times called me 'the world's leading Trekspert'?"
Paul T. Riddell, columnist for the competing SCI FI, concurred with,
"Let me freebase some Preparation H and I'll have a comment for you that
I'll think is clever." And Harry Knowles of Ain't It Cool News said,
"I haven't eaten in ten minutes. Could you hand me that tub of Crisco and
The announcement of the Saturn/ Golden Raspberry merger set off the awards community
and set off a round of awards speculation; the announcement of the merger between
the Grammy Awards and the Britney Spears Fan Club is scheduled for next week, and the merger between the Academy Awards and the Darwin Awards is set to be
finalized in late 2001.