Today's Dilemma: There's this weirdo who wants to be
a part of our group, but he just doesn't belong. He's different from all the rest
of us. What should we do with the freak?
Don't let him play any of your reindeer games, obviously. And go buy a lantern,
in case there happens to be a foggy night. (email@example.com)
We invite him over for a party, but when he gets there, no one else is around.
Suddenly the door slams behind him, he discovers he is locked in. Flaming brands
are tossed in the windows and that glowing nose is dimmed for all time. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Here's what works for us: Frequent, unannounced beatings. Set him up with some
popular chick who proceeds to systematically tear his heart into little, tiny
pieces. Then, act surprised when he shows up to Homeroom with the automatic rifle.
Try to convince Deer Rudy that his calling in life is, in fact, as a social pariah,
or simply dislocate his big nose with a well thrusted antler (hooves leave unseemly
Or: Tell Rudy to Take His love to Town... (email@example.com)
Kenny Rogers references are always good on the path to wisdom.
Be nice to him, because you don't want mutants to have a problem with you. Think
about what happen to the human enemies of Magneto. They get suddenly vitality-challenged,
if you know what I mean. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
You may be tempted to shun him, but I say let him play along in your games, be
it baseball, football, soccer, dodgeball or any other game imvolving a fast-moving
projectile. I mean, look at the beak on that guy! What a great target! (email@example.com)
Whatever you decide to do with him, do it QUICK and hide the body all nice-like,
lest your boss find a good use for him and you end up staring at his ass for the
rest of your days. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Tell Santa that he's out to antler him to death in his sleep, crap on the Elves'
workbench, pee on his toys and get freaky with a tub of margarine and Mrs. Claus.
That worked for Reinhard, Richter, and Ramon. (Figures that Rudy would be a brownoser.
So it doesn't work ALL the time. You can TRY it, right?) (email@example.com)
Mock the little mutant, then make sure that he and all those other freaks, like
the wanna-be dentist Hermie and the misfit toys all wander off to be eaten by
a Bumble. Very important give that Cornelius chap a gold map that leads down south
or you are doomed to failure. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
This would be both a wise and convenient time to mention The
Merriest Christmas Specials Ever.
I'm sure they wouldn't let this poor guy join in their reindeer games. But when
you think about it, with named like Prancer and and Vixen, maybe this other reinder
would be better off NOT joining in these so-called "games." It's odd
enough that they all take place in the local bathhouse ... (email@example.com)
Make sure that you don't laugh and call him names...otherwise the song will be
written about *him* and your name will only be mentioned once...and then there
will be questions on game shows about that insignificant lyric, which no one knows...
Taunt and ostracize him all year long, and then think of a way to exploit his
oddities for your own gain one night of the year, so that he feels loved, and
won't snap and kill us all. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The following advice is so wise, it'll make you shout out with glee.
First off, my name is spelled "Olive". I get so sick of people mispronouncing
it all these years. Seriously, is it that hard to remember? I mean sure I'm just
a backup for one of the big 8 for when they need to be put down, you know a sprained
ankle or what not. Now as for your question, simply laugh and call him names and
look where that got me. Now that freakish bastard leads the team every year and
the accident count is way down. If one of those bastards doesn't get hurt soon,
I'm going to have to do something harsh...(email@example.com)