My name is Joe, and here for you are my recommendations for Christmas
and holiday-related songs for you to obtain, through whatever means you deem
appropriate. I do not prescribe downloading music off the web, I only recommend
and advocate it.
Nearly anything from the Rankin-Bass specials (as noted in Merriest
Christmas Specials Ever, and now the cheap plug for my own work is ended).
Because Christmas is fun, and these songs are funny:
Blue Christmas - by some comedian doing a Porky Pig impression
Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass - Arrogant Worms
I Am Santa Claus (to the tune of Black Sabbath's "Iron Man") -
I Found The Brains of Santa Claus - Jason and the Strap-Tones
Please Come Home For Christmas -- Jon Bon Jovi, only because in
the video, he and Cindy Crawford have an almost pornographic makeout session,
and do everything but dry-hump each other right there on VH1.
David Bowie and Bing Crosby doing Little Drummer Boy / Peace on
Earth, because it's fun to wonder what Bing was thinking when Ziggy Stardust
staggered into the studio to sing it.
Father Christmas by The Kinks, and Thank God For Christmas by Queen,
because they rule.
Oh yeah, several of you wrote letters to Subspace.
Subject: Cowboy Bebop
Will someone teach firstname.lastname@example.org
how to spell? I can't stand people who just quickly type a letter and mail
it with out checking for errors. God, it's so annoying! Now to the subject;
Cowboy Bebop is quite possibly the best anime I've seen since recently.
I really, really liek it! (email@example.com)
The best anime you've seen since RECENTLY? The anime fans MUST
OBTAIN PERSPECTIVE SOMEHOW. I will make it my quest.
Microsoft, AOL, and my ancient, prehistoric computer have all conspired
to sap my will to live. I hope they're happy.
-- That little 'it's no Invader
' ref in the new Neutron
gave me warm and fuzzy feelings galore. Any single mention of the
great Zim is enough to cement my undying devotion to you awesome people. I
saw Neutron about a week before its release (gotta love those radio-sponsored
free sneak previews) and had much the same opinion on it. It wasn't nearly
as bad a movie as I expected. I had to try really hard to keep the 'Zim would
be a thousand times better movie, a Zim movie would have a much cooler giant
space chicken, etc.' thoughts at bay long enough to enjoy the movie, though.
-- They've now got little black beanie hats with Zim on them at Hot Topic.
I'm broke. I cry and pray for gift certificate. Bet Spongebob merchandise
never sold out like the Zim stuff has (several times now).
--Rumor has it new Zim will be coming our way in February, during Sweeps
week. Sweeps is a time for all the best (or at least flashiest) a network
has to offer. Is Nick finally taking notice of Zim's popularity? Doubtful.
--Lord of the Rings. Need I even say anything about Lord of the Rings?
About how utterly cool it was? About how I haven't enjoyed a fantasy movie
that much since Dragonheart? About how I'm now tearing through the books because
I can't wait till next Christmas for resolution? Wednesday was a very good
-- I'm such a Zim obsessive it's corrupted my mom. When they mentioned
Mount Doom, my mom turned around and mouthed 'DOOM' at me. I laughed.
-- Enya's all well and good, but for your list of sci-fi/fantasy related
music, I submit Loreena McKennitt. Her stuff has a really ancient 'of the
fair folk' kinda feel to it. Book of Secrets is an awesome CD. Linkin Park's
Hybrid Theory is also majorly good.
-- -end randomness- (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I enjoy a little randomness now and then.
Subject: I'm a living rock guy with wings...
Have you ever sat on a piece of Gothic architecture for nearly two hundred
No, but I dated someone who was into Goth, for what seemed like two
It only seemed like 150.
[I'm not sure if you fine gents would know this but has Hecklers.com (one
time founder and evil master over zealot.com who recently metamorphosed into
the almighty RevolutionSF [nice recap huh?]) gone under? (email@example.com)]
What about ANT.com? Will they be moving to a new, independent URL (like you
guys did)? Will keep their ANT.com URL name and just be independent? Or are
they shutting down? (firstname.lastname@example.org)
A good plenty of the ANT guys are already working with us, (RevSF
Anime Fiend Kevin Pezzano, Insane Geekboy Bad Movie Reviewer Philip Black, and
Comics Guy Kenn McCracken), and I believe any ANT-like video game stuff they
might do, they would do for RevSF.
But I don't wanna answer for them. So I'll give them time to save
their current games and respond in the next Subspace.
Subject: paints with coyotes
oh, we have a coyote mural.
it's still up. :-)
Couple floors down from me has a great Xena and Callisto mural... (email@example.com)
No, no, no, no, no. Send a picture of the Xena / Callisto mural.
Now, I said.
Subject: Invader Zim
I simply love that show, and I would just LOVE if you got more information
on the show. Thanks! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I'm afraid if all we ever talked about was Invader Zim, that we would...
you know, we'd probably do really well.
How does RevolutionZIM.com sound?
Subject: You Am Bizarro No. 1 To Me
Boy, I love writing sci-fi related songs.....here's another that's goofy,
stupid, and downright corny. That's why I luv it so. Some
Revolutionaries that can play guitar, should help me put these to music.
Ooo! Kenn's got musical talent...(hint, hint)
Anyway, it's a short one, and here it is.
Me look at all women in world
There am only one who me not want to be my girl
You am ugliest lady me ever see
You smell real bad, of this me not agree
But you still am Bizarro number one to me
Me want to put on all me clothes and push you around
Whenever Me see you, Me wearing a frown
Me love am impure, like evening dew
.....me true love...... Is someone who not you!!!!!
Be-cause......you am....Bizarro number one to me. (email@example.com)
If Kenn sets this song to music, Bizarro Joe Crowe will be so happy
he will make Kenn LIVE!
Listen, Mr... Crowe, is it? If you think that your trademark wit, butt-gusting
humor, and toe-tapping, finger-snapping, 'geek-a-licious' banjo playing will
just let you waltz right into Santa's inner sanctum--you're right! (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Personal reminder: Trademark own wit.
Personal reminder 2: Learn to play banjo.
Subject: 1234 Mini Rants
No meds and no smoke here. This is what I call a natural high, of
course my analyst calls it a case study but that's just her opinion.
Just say no to drugs, unless it's caffeine then drink til it hurts, or until
your tolerance is so high that a triple espresso with a 1/4 cup of cocoa is
what you drink to turn in for the night. Good night Gracey....
I personally need two 20-ounce Pepsis just for the crash and
burn. Of course, there's always the chance that the caffeine buzz will hit
first, and then I'll be up at 4:15 a.m., just ululating. And sometimes fustigating.
sci-ku is not lame! sci-ku is the niftiest thingum ever! (email@example.com)
Hey, YOU try answering what sometimes seems like 1,700 letters at
a time. Hey, I feel like I'm in a grunge band. "I never asked to be popular.
Stop buying my albums, you pieces of crap!"
Man, you're bitter I can taste it! But everyone, please know that Lucas
doesn't hate his fans at all! He probably just let all the fame and fortune
go to his head while making Episode 1, apparently, and I think that's why
it wasn't very good. So have faith in Episode 2. And maybe try to contact
Lucas and give some input. He could use some! As for Berman: BONFIRE ON'IM!
I don't think Lucas accepts phone calls. At least, probably not
from me, if word ever got out about the article. Cuz you see, it contains
Subject: Lucas, Berman...
You should probably cover the fan response of "Oh thank you gods of our
genre. Will you use the belt sander and heat paint-stripper as part
of the foreplay this time. Oh and how about a razor-wire enema those
alway get us in the mood, and as always we will pay you for it. Matter
of fact if you release a Mace Windu/Seven of Nine razor wire play set we will
gladly spend $250.00 American on it". (firstname.lastname@example.org)
The last time I decided not to see one of the Big Two movies was
when I didn't see Star Trek Insurrection. And we see what happened then. Oh,
that's right... it still wasn't very good.
is probably one of the funniest things I have ever read... and I am going
right now to be the first in line to get me a aibo-esk GIR doll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MEHEHEHEHEHEH (laughs manicaly while hiting myself in the head with a moose
and dancing like a monkey)
P.S. please write back and "do a lill dance" (email@example.com)
Everyone: Take your hand off the exclamation point keys and just
NOW BEGINS THE SECTION OF SUBSPACE WHERE WE TALK ABOUT LORD
OF THE RINGS. PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE TABLE WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM
AT ALL TIMES.
Subject: doo dee doo
it is christmas and santa brought me a lava lamp. I is happy. I also got
a real detour road sign. From the side of the road. YOU PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T
CARE THOUGH BECAUSE THE ONLY THING YOU IS CARIN' ABOUT IS LORD OF DEM RING!
WORD UP! WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! HAPPY DAY to you. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Spooty -- if I may call you that -- PLEASE go see Lord of the
Rings. I really want to hear what you think of it. It's 3 hours long, which
is about the same as watching Invader Zim 6 times in a row.
And I know you've done THAT before.
Subject: come on, guess . . .
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!! LOTR. so. !#$@$#!$##$ good. I saw it yesterday.
Was walking around in a daze all day today thinking about it and generally obsessing.
Parents thought something was wrong with me.
argggggg, how can I ever concentrate on anything ever again? DAMN YOU
LOTR AND YOUR AMAZINGNESS! I'm going to fail out of college. That's it.
I'll just have to accept it. (email@example.com)
You can always get a job answering letters to a sci-fi website.
Subject: Major Arghness
I was supposed to go see LOTR today, but I'm stuck home with a 101 degree fever.
Again, ARGH. WHY????????????????? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME??????
WHAT NEXT, I'LL BE SICK WHEN SPIDER-MAN COMES OUT TOO??? AND THERE WON'T
BE ANY FANTA LEFT IN THE WORLD???? AND ALL THE CATS WILL MYSTERIOUSLY
DIE??? AND SAVES THE DAY WILL BREAK UP THE DAY BEFORE THEY COME TO PHILLY???
Did I mention ARGH?
~Smarko, very very very very very very angry right now (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Who are Saves The Day? Didn't they break up?
Subject: Re: LOTR
Saw the movie yesterday, and loved it! Some random thoughts:
-It was cool to see the visual effects be subtle instead of in-your-face.
The smoke rings Gandalf puffed, the different heights of the characters,
the invisibilty...all very well done.
-The beginning should have been more "The Hobbit", just to segue the story
a little better. I realllly wanted to see Gollum in all his creepy, hissing
-The line about dwarf-tossing was the funniest damned thing in the film!
Loved the movie, can't wait for the next one, and George Lucas should take
notes on how to please an audience... (email@example.com)
I think I've said my piece about Mr. Lucas. For Gollum, I can wait.
Subject: Laura's Comments on Legolas
Legolas *is* gorgeous. But, if you value your sanity and your chance
to admire, I highly recommend *not* looking at Orlando Bloom's picture.
*sigh* what a sad day...
(PS: I've lived in the Boston area my whole life; the Ring at MIT may have
been simpler than many, but I think its my favorite yet. :) ) (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Should all fanboys take up archery? And would that help in their
quest for girlie action?
For the following letters, I will allow their comments to go uncommented
upon by me, and then I will respond to them all at the end.
LOTR was the best. I've watched a lot of crappy movies, I've worried about
how it was gonna turn out and I happily report I was completely WRONG. This
was such a cool movie. Everyone I know who has seen it loved it. And most of
the people who saw it can't even remember the books. Everyone wants to see it
again, and wants the sequel right now. I went home after seeing that movie and
started reading the Two Towers just because I needed to relive now now now.
NOt to mention it gets me realllllly worked up when I talk about it just because
it was so good.
Even if you have no clue what the LOTR is, see this movie. THough it would
probably be best if you have a Fan in your pocket or at least near by.
End Rant and rousing endorsement. (email@example.com)
Subject: Melissa and Legolas
Melissa is such a good friend.
She got me a legolas doll for xmas.
pretty pretty elf boy....
we'll be seeing it for my third and a half and her second and a half time
The movie! it came! and it was so wonderful, just as i KNEW it would be!!!
i knew we woudl nto be dissapointed like star wars. ONE TRILOGY TO RULE THEM
LOTR GOODNESS!!!!! WOOHOOO!!!
They got it right! And it was wonderful. And I should see it again. I NEED
to see it again!!!
That movie was just so amazingly er...amazing!!!!
I went with Laura47 and a bunch of other people and I had my cloak on and
it was just so wonderfully perfect!!!
*sigh* Now I have to wait a WHOLE YEAR for the next one...*sniffle* Well,
I guess I could always read the books again....(firstname.lastname@example.org)
OK, not to add my voice to the tons of effervescent praise being heaped on
the makers of LOTR, but yes, the movie kicked serious orc.
Rick, you can smoke my big fat Bilbo, and I'll tell you why.
To begin with, OK I admit that although I devoured the Hobbit several times
in my childhood, I never got around to the Rings trilogy. Yet. (Foolishly
I still wait for more Heinlein or Asimov books to be turned into movies.)
So while this gives me almost NO authority to nitpick Fellowship as has been
done, it DOES mean that I experienced simply as a new thing. And though
the time was a little long, I thought that the movie moved rather fast, not
a constant adrenalin rush and not a slogging tear-jerker either. I thought
the performances were excellent, and that they finally found a story worth all
the CG-Eye-candy that was in it. It didn't bore me, lemme put it that
And yes, even though the battle scenes were slowed up some, it wasn't like that
all the time, and if you're into movies like Braveheart, it was a lot like that.
I'm not saying that a movie can't be picked apart by the fans. That's
sort of our prerogative isn't it? (Kenn, we've discussed creator-audience relations
enough on this point don't you think?)
If it's a movie like Episode 1 or 2, I say torch it on the site. But with
Fellowship, you could tell that they obviously respected the material AND the
audience enough to do a good tale justice. So why bitch about Liv Tyler's part
(which was just long enough according to a buddy I saw it with that DID read
Fellowship), and just experience it for what it was, which is a rollicking good
Let the smoking begin.... (email@example.com)
And now, some words from Joe, the Emotional Center.
You are all correct. I got quite a kick out of the film, but it's
way too early to say "Best movie ever" about it. That takes time and getting
a sense of perspective, which no one has about the movie right now. It's too
new, too "Look! It's Aragorn!!!" to have ANY kind of objective opinion about
it, good or bad.
I disagree with some critical things that have been said, and agree
with others, but the only perfect movie is the one in your head, and nobody's
going to film that. Unless, in my case, Lynda Carter is available.