"I look through applicants for troubled signs. I turn down troubled spirits and applicants with evil intensions. Most people don't realize gremlins apply at tech companies all the time. They try to sabotage the technology industry from the inside. Once one gets in, it's hard to get rid of them since they make really dedicated employees. But, gremlins are more into hardware. You're software. Plus, the two companies you listed on your résumé are still in business, so you weren't a gremlin. I figured you might have had a string of bad luck. From what you tell me, it's more than just bad luck."

Mr. Silverman used the word "gremlin" so casual in our conversation; it helped me relax about what worried me out the window.

"You mentioned Vanguard and MultiSite on your résumé, but both of those companies are still in business."

"Vanguard's stock dropped and they were bought out by a competitor. After the buy out, I quit and got a job at MultiSite."

"Is it true MutliSite has all the free bagels you can eat?"

"Yep. Well, had. Free bagels. Beanbag chair meetings. Gobs of stock options. I think instead of working, the employees watched their stock rise and wiped drool and cream cheese from the corners of their mouths. They even declared at the company meeting they were going to be a billion dollar company. Now, the bagels are gone and they don't have cream cheese to wipe away with their useless options."

"Rumor has it they recently had a third round of layoffs," he said.

"Yep. I was lucky to get laid off when I did and find a job here. The day they let me go, I went to Dorothy's office and told her 'Honey, I have some bad news.' The next day, I proposed to her."

"That's right. Your wife's uncle helped you get this job, didn't he?"

"She wasn't my wife at the time, but yeah."

"Now you're here."

"Now I'm here."

"Interesting. Even with the charm I cast over the company, I knew something stronger has been pulling the company down. I couldn't figure out what it was. Now I know. I'm glad you brought this to my attention. By the way, most people don't know I'm here. How did you know to find me?"

I shrugged and said, "Madam Stella told me I should look you up."

"Stella? How's she doing?"

"Fine, I guess. You know her?"

"One of my best and brightest. Taught her at the community college. I see you found my office okay."

"Just dumb luck."

"Shut your mouth!" he said pointing a stern index finger at me.

"What? What did I say?"

"Never call Luck 'dumb.' She hates that," he said to me, then to mid-air, "I'm sure he didn't mean it."

"Sorry," I said to him, then offered another apology to the same mid-air.

I thought this guy may have been a flake, but he seemed to know more than I did about this kind of stuff. Besides, anyone who can connect a 13th floor office to the 1st floor via a revolving door must know something I don't, even if it's a level of physics they don't teach at the university.

"Let's get started. Are you ready?"

"I guess so," I shrugged.

"Good. Follow me."

As we left his office, I asked "Why didn't you want to shake my hand when I came in?"

"I prefer not to. You know, aura transference."

"Er, okay."

He led me out the office, told Alice he'd be right back, and led me down the side hallway.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To consult the Oracle."

"Oh."

"Are you good at riddles?"

"So-so. What happens if I get the riddle wrong? Will I burst into flames?"

"Oh no. Nothing like that. This is a non-smoking facility. Don't worry. The answers typically aren't too hard. You'll see."

We walked past several of the doors. Through one of the doors, I heard growling and yelling.

My eyes widened. I worried another employee was beyond that door consulting the Oracle. "What's going on in there?"

"The IT guy is fixing my email. I told you I'm having trouble. They just don't pay those IT guys enough for what they go through."

I tried not to let my imagination get too carried away with what I pictured between the IT guy and the email system.

"Here we are," he said and opened the door at the end of the hall. The florescent light still flickered a soft "plink" with each strobe.

He showed me into the room which was mostly shadowed. In the center of the room, one overhead bulb spot lit a chair and a table with a computer on it. The rest of the room was invisible to darkness.

"Follow the directions on the screen. Stop by my office when you're done. We'll go from there."

"Uh, thanks."

He closed the door behind him. I walked over to the table, pulled out the chair, and sat down. The computer was an ancient model in which the monitor, keyboard, and processor were all one unit. I looked around the blackened room. All I saw was coal mine darkness. The only light in the room flickered through the crack under the door, shone from the bulb above, and glowed green on the monitor.

Green letters glowed, "Press any key to continue."

I hit the space bar. As soon as I did, more lights lit the room.

"Well, hello!" I said in surprise.

Two enormous bobble-head figures loomed over me and the computer table. Each must have been at least fifteen feet in height, and as large around as SUVs. One was a baseball sports figure, the other football. Tiny bodies were dwarfed by their huge, bulbous heads. Not being a sports fan, I didn't recognize either of them.

The screen glowed, "User name:"

I typed, "cmorris" my network name and the alias I use for company email.

The screen said, "Chuck Norris? THE Chuck Norris?"

I rolled my eyes. Even the computer gave me a hard time about my name.

The next line glowed, "Password:"

I typed my network password, which was replaced by an equivalent number of asterisks, hit the Enter key and waited.

The screen glowed, "Password incorrect. Please wait..."

I waited. A minute passed. As I waited, I looked up and down the giant bobble-heads. I wondered where in the world anyone found such enormous novelties, or why. I pondered their importance and guessed they completed the whole Oracleness like two, legendary Sphinx-like figures on springs. I chuckled to myself at the absurdity of their size. My grin ceased immediately when I remembered the growling and the yelling from the room down the hall.

The computer bleeped and displayed more green words which read:

"Their heads will bobble,
Their teeth will grow,
Your flesh they'll gobble,
If you're too slow.
Riddle me this:
What's sliced for burgers,
On nachos and macaroni, please.
A dairy product of many flavors.
The password is '______.'"

"Okay. That's easy. 'Cheese.'"

I typed in the C and the H. When I hit the E-key, it wasn't a key at all. It was a block of tan plastic shaped like the E-key. The mock key popped off, fell to the floor, and rolled under the table. There was no other button in its place.

"Oh, come on! How am I supposed to type 'cheese' without the E?"