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Seven flunks raised trumpets to their lips. Nobles and their wives offered cheers and hurrahs.
Father’s fax spread its hands. “I bid you welcome to Iacola House... splendid occasion... God bless you all... friend and foe alike...”
More applause. The fax sounded perfectly fine. Asel waited. Apparently, this was all his bogus father had to say.
“Sir,” a man shouted from the crowd. “President Coleman and the First Lady would like a picture with you and your father.”
“Yes, very fine, piss off.” Asel smiled and waved. “Thank you very much.”
The fax turned, and strolled back through the door. Some small mechanical device seemed out of synch; the smile kept turning on and off.
Uncle Hal was waiting just inside. “Get that thing out of here,” he said. “Asel. Come with me right now. I’ve got that swine Lord Dave cornered in the sunroom. We’ve got trouble here, boy.”
“Did he say exactly what?”
“Won’t say a thing. Wants to talk to you. And your father.”
“Well he certainly will not.”
“Right. You tell him that.”
The Lord of SEC seemed to Asel akin to an upright roach. Dark and dissolute, thin and slightly stooped. Bad breath and some vague imperfection of the soul. An appalling lack of taste in his attire.
“Sir,” he said politely, “I understand you wish to talk.” A bow in Asel’s direction, half an inch short of respect. “My sincere congratulations on your princely elevation, on your lovely wedding day.”
“Never mind all that,” Asel said sharply. “What’s going on here, Dave? You people have choppers over Iacola ground. You’d better call them off.”
“Just a formality. Nothing to cause alarm. Routine in, ah, matters such as this.”
Asel exchanged a glance with Hal.
“Matters such as what?” said Uncle Hal.
Lord Dave seemed to hesitate. “Investigations of a sort. Some question of family defect. A possible, ah, blemish in the line.”
Asel exploded. “This is absolutely vile!”
Hal turned to a flunk. “Get the bishop in here. Right now.”
“You had best explain yourself at once,” Asel said. “I find you impertinent and rude. Your clothes are out of style.”
“Perhaps we should talk to your father.”
“Absolutely not.”
“As you wish.”
“Listen. I find you unwholesome at best.”
“This is terribly embarrassing for me.”
“Oh, I’ll just bet,” Asel said.
The bishop appeared. Obese and out of breath. Hal jabbed a finger at Dave. “Tell this person the family line is pure. Set him straight at once. He has alluded to a blot.”
The bishop looked stunned. “There is no flaw whatever in Iacola House. What an appalling thing to say.”
“There is certain evidence to the contrary,” Lord Dave said. He looked directly at Asel. “Your marital blood test reveals a rather clear ancestral fault.”
“This is insane,” Asel said.
“Nevertheless. There is obviously a stain. An extra little chromosomal twist where none should be. Quite possibly a stenographic gene.” Dave raised a sympathetic brow. “On your mother's side, it seems.”
“Oh, dear.” The bishop brought a hand to his lips.
“Mother!” Asel was consumed with sudden anger and disbelief. “I can assure you that no one in Mother’s family has ever-- worked. That is totally obscene.”
“And this is just now coming to light, of course,” Hal said nastily. “On Asel’s wedding day. When two great Houses come to merge. My, what an odd conjunction of events. To have this fault appear at such a time.”
“Sir, if that is an implication of any sort, I take offense," said Lord Dave.
“I want you off of my grounds and out of here at once,” Asel said.
“There are certain formalities to attend.”
“Well attend to them somewhere else.”
The bishop closed his eyes. “And Anheuser-Tusch begat Canon-Cadillac, begat Kodak-Smack, begat-“
“Shut up,” Asel said.
A flunk gestured Uncle Hal aside. Asel looked past the sunroom windows to the lawn. The crowd seemed somewhat thinner than before. As Asel watched, several nobles took their leave with great haste.
“Get me a drink,” Asel told the Brit.
“Coffee? Tea? Cider? Buttermilk-“
“Forget it.”
Uncle Hal returned. His features showed pallor and alarm. “I’ve got more air action,” he said. “Whole squadron coming in. SEC Mark IXs.” He looked coldly at Dave. “Three of our House choppers are down. You’ve got some explaining to do.”
“I regret any losses due to, ah- defensive action on the part of our craft,” said Lord Dave. “It is the policy of the commission, of Securities Exchange...”
“My father put you where you are today,” Asel said heatedly. “You are not a real lord. You seem to forget that point.”
“I derive my authority from the entire board of business kings,” Lord Dave said boldly. “You seem to forget about that.”
“I want him flogged,” Asel said. “Hal, stay here with this toad. I’m going in to see Father.”
Asel stopped, as a great noise seemed to consume the very air. The windows in the sunroom shook. Shadows appeared on the lawn. Choppers descended like a blight, ugly as earwigs and lice, black as centipedes.
“Now this is intolerable,” Asel said. “Remove those things at once!”
“There is absolutely no cause for alarm,” Lord Dave said. “There will merely be a slight occupation. Until the investigation is complete.”
“This is an outright invasion is what it is,” Hal said. He turned to a flunk. “I want every House unit here at once. Pennsylvania Armored. Ohio Assault--”
Automatic fire began to chatter on the lawn. A House soldier dropped on the porch. Asel’s flunk cried out in alarm as half a dozen black-clad troopers swept into the room.
“I will not have this,” Asel said. “Leave. All of you. Right now.”
A trooper poked a slightly blue weapon at Asel’s chest. The barrel seemed plagued with copper warts.
“Leave him,” said the Lord of SEC. “Take the others out.”
Asel started to protest. The weapon seemed effective and complex. Hal, the bishop, and respective flunks left at once. Even Asel’s Brit disappeared.
“I’m sorry for any inconvenience,” Lord Dave said. “We’ll clear this up.”
“I plan to have you boiled.”
“Listen. Let’s try to get along.”
“Let’s not.”
Lord Dave sat. Apparently a deliberate affront. “A charge such as this takes time. Hearings, studies, that sort of thing. I expect you’ll feel some discontent.”
“I’m not listening to this. What kind of discontent?”
“Relocation of a sort. Possible restraint. Incarceration and proper penal care.”
Asel was stunned, furious at Dave. “That is totally out of the question.”
“I’m afraid not.”
“No. I simply would not attend. I might stay around the grounds. I might agree to that.”
“Oklahoma comes to mind.”
“What’s that?”
“I have no idea.”
Dave stood. “You can go outside if you like. Don’t wander off. We’ll need to talk.”
“I hardly see the point,” Asel said.

 

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illo: Fernando H. Ramirez